If you have been around me on Fetlife or in any ‘lifestyle’ capacity you have heard me say it over and over and over…” I am not a masochist”.

Hello to all of my visitors….my name is Nicole….I am

a masochist.

From Merriam-Webster’s Online:

1

: a sexual perversion characterized by pleasure in being subjected to pain or humiliation especially by a love object — compare sadism

2

: pleasure in being abused or dominated : a taste for suffering

— mas·och·ist \-kist\ noun

— mas·och·is·tic \ˌma-sə-ˈkis-tik, ˌma-zə- also ˌmā-\ adjective

*blink* * blinkity blink*

Now in the circles that I have been known to run in there are some hardcore masochists. One young lady I will call her E – maaaaaaan. Some of the stuff I have seen HER do to HER body? No way jose.

Yet if you look JUST at the textbook definition – I am a masochist.

Mind you I do not think that I am perverted, but sometimes it takes science a little while to catch up to reality.

Humiliation is one of my bigger ‘kinks’. Within the confines of a relationship that is. Humiliation from something like falling on the bus? Not a turn on. Some of the things that I have done behind the green door many of you would go Da Hell & Da Fuck? Although since ‘watersports’ is still the highest rated blog maybe you would not raise an eyebrow.

There are those who would say that my homecoming shows that I have a taste for suffering. My answer to that? I’ve certainly got a taste for SOMETHING, and it is not necessarily suffering. * smile *

I not only find pleasure in being dominated, it is my preferred method of operation, and it is when I work best. I absolutely have a hankering for having my body abused, sometimes even painfully.

Let’s look at my addiction to the violet wand:

The above pic is of some of the accessories that go with the violet wand. They look a little funky, but harmless right? Plug that baby in and watch the violet fireworks.

Now I will admit that there is something odd about the person who seeks to have electricity run across their naked flesh, but I never said I was normal, I just said that I was not perverted.

On its lowest setting the wand doesn’t “hurt”. There is a slight tingle and that is pretty much it. On it’s highest setting, with concentrated exposure to a specific body part you can brand a person with the wand.

The first time that I saw a demo of the wand was at Philly’s now defunct dungeon the Black Phoenix. My friend won a date with the wand man in an auction and another friend teamed up with her for the ‘scene’. Now this particular person is a bit of a sadist, and he also understands predicament bondage.

He spent about 10 minutes tying the two ladies together in a pattern that made no sense at all when you first looked at it. Hands were tied to thighs, ankles were attached to steel and levers. It looked on the surface, that a 10 year old got bored and started tossing rope. But then…….he turned on the wand.

Now one friend really liked the wand…..the other never had a wand experience. He would touch one and she would cooo, touch the other and she would try to run. Only she couldn’t run because she was tied …. to the other woman.

Within minutes he was the puppet master, and they were the puppets, and I was laughing may ass off. That us until he asked me did I want to try. NOOOOOOOOOO! The sound that comes from the wand at that time was not appealing to me, and watching Waffles try to run like the dickens, let me just say, I wanted no parts of it!

Then a funny thing happened last summer. I was at a friends play party, and ran into a familiar face. Let’s call him the electrician. I knew he was good with the wand and I wanted to make someone at the party jealous so I said, hey let’s do the wand.

We could not find an outlet that night so we ‘improvised’. He had a mini stun gun.

It hurt. It hurt a lot! It really really hurt! And I said…do it again.

My plan to make the man jealous? Worked like a charm. My pain? In the context of THAT moment? I liked it. And it wold be moths before I worked up the courage to try the wand, but I knew after the mini stun gun that I wanted to.

My next date with the wand was at a play party here in Philly. Overcrowded, we sat in a booth and I kept my clothes on. The sensations? A M A Z I N G.

My next date with the wand? NYC. Paddles. In the balcony. That date with the wand even in that limited a situation? Multiple orgasms.

I now want one for US. See there I go again looking for the tools of my own ass destruction.

I can no longer deny that I am a masochist….my only question is how deep does this rabbit hole go?