Yep just that fast a 3 Twitter exchange got me back at the keyboard.

I have two distinct ideas in mind and I will try to link the two of them but I am unsure if even I can do that….

I was once told that the hollow feeling I get when I masturbate was because I was using his property without his permission.  My thoughts when I heard that all those years ago?

bullshit.

I didn’t feel hollow when I masturbated – I felt wonderful!

This has been a tough week for me – yes it is only Tuesday.

I got to go to Manhattan this weekend – I went solo.  That would not have been my first choice, but I am a big girl now….I can do it!

Did it I did.

I got to the hotel room and ‘accidentally’ spilled coffee on my bed.  I have issues with hotel linen – it’s not mine.  I pack my own towels and washcloths, and I have been very good at the liquid accident.  Why?  Although they launder the sheets?  They almost NEVER launder the bedspread.  I know what I have done in hotels…fuck I look like knowing if I am that freaky someone else is just as freaky – and not as clean as I am.

Once the bed was remade – I had an overwhelming ‘urge’ to christen the new sheets.
I could not.

Okay I thought – I am tired from the train anxious about the night ahead of me no biggie – later.

I talked to a friend – watched some football – went out to the munch.

After the munch was the dungeon.

Paddles  is the last public dungeon in Manhattan.  There are other play parties ( that to tell the truth I enjoy more ) but Paddles is the last dungeon.

I enjoyed myself there immensely – even without escort.  Tens Unit – Violet Wand *drool* – floggers – public masturbation – a little choking …. It was a VERY good night.

The masturbation in the club even was  not simple.  I did eventually…once I opened my eyes and saw YES there were people watching me….the exhibitionist will always put on a show.

Left the club with Big Sexy – had an opportunity to have some additional company and turned it down.

Wait………..WHAT????????

Yes I put the brakes on a threesum.  No I do not have a brain tumor.

I just wasn’t feeling IT – not her – she was beautiful!  I didn’t want a threesum.  That should have been my FIRST warning.

Once back in the room?

I got in the bed and went to sleep.

Wait………….WHAT??????????

Yes Big Sexy was laying there – next to me – naked *blink* and for the very first time ever – I went to sleep on him.

I wasn’t all that tired – I just didn’t have the hots for him.

No I do not have a brain tumor.

When I felt his hands on my hips later – they felt like fire.  As if his touch were burning my flesh.  That is not a good thing.

Now Big Sexy & I have been known to burn the house down that is how hott it gets in our neck of the woods but his touch THIS TIME was irritating.
So much so that I told him to stop.

Big Sexy morning wood?  Used to be better than coffee!  This time?  I went downstairs to get coffee.

No I do not have a brain tumor.

And now for a musical intermission:

I actually like the P!nk version — but I love the BDSM ‘hints’ in the original.

After a specific ‘event’ I have had trouble getting myself off.

I realize now it is because of him.  That I don’t want anyone – including myself to touch me but him.  That my orgasms really do belong to him, and that I really do belong to him.

That leads to a whole other set of issues – that won’t get addressed right now…but admitting it out loud is progress – for me at least.

The toy may be broken.

No I do not have a brain tumor.