One word created much thought for me today:

Single.

I have female friends, close female friends.  I tend to be wary of women that do not.  It is because I have been trained to be wary through the women in my life and personal experience.

Men get paid millions upon millions to play competitive sports but women do it better all day every day for free.

Women are quite competitive.

I won’t venture too far into the mix to try to explain why we are….what matters for this conversation is that we are, and I would like to discuss if we are properly competitive or if it is something that we are making up to keep ‘tradition’ going.

I’ve talked…more than once before about by ex sex theory.  That theory has women out there who would typically say gee I like you running for the mother fucking hills and taking the dick with them.  As if the dick is safe in the hills but er ummm okay.

To quickly recap for the new reader?  If you break up with someone you have no further claim to the dick ( or coochie ).  Putting up a he/she is my ex force field around the genitals is a stupid thing to do and people are up in arms about shit that they should not be.

So

The ex sex theory puts me in the category:  bitch to watch.

It is because women compete with other women, women fear other women, and women have shown through time and test that we SHOULD be feared.  Or should we?

I do not necessarily have an answer for this one, I am just thinking out loud….join me will you?

There is a school of thought that if you sit your dick down for 5 minutes some other woman will hop on it.  Friend – enemy – chick waiting for the bus whatever…never leave the dick unguarded.

It is why we tell other women:

• Don’t tell another woman how good your man is in bed
• Don’t allow single women in your home if you are in a relationship
• Downplay how happy you are or how fortunate you are because another woman will try to fill your shoes

Really?

If you see a woman walking down the street in this outfit:

She is dressing for other women…..

When you see a woman in THIS outfit:

She is dressing for her man….hard to tell the difference I know…but if you have enough estrogen you can tell.

One says….my body is so hot I could take your man

The other says my man thinks my body is hot.

The thing is ….. many women are looking at both outfits and going

Women seem to have a hard time embracing each other and uplifting each other if there is dick in the vicinity.

Dick brings out the competitive nature in women and it is something that Lombardi could not even bottle and give the players to drink at half time.

Let a man who has more than 5″ in his pants enter the picture and it turns into a table ladders and chairs match…no DQ….fight until the last bitch stands.

Doubt me?  Turn into the Maury show on any given weekday.

Which leads me to the single woman theory:

It may not always be the best of ideas …. if you are happy in your relationship to have a lot of single friends.

Since women jockey for dick —- that they may or may not have visitation rights with,  If you have single friends in your circle?  They may be slowing down your process in building a relationship.

I think back to a time when I was close to a woman, and she and I are not close now.  We are not enemies, but we are not close.

I look to my relationship with her, and realize we were the closest when we were single.  As long as we were BOTH single…all was right with the universe.

When we had our eye on someone we would sit and plot about how to get and keep his attention on us.

We entered relationships at about the same time and as long as things were good in those relationships we had little need for one another.

When the rubber met the road though and the new car smell wore off things changed.

We no longer hung out to enjoy one another’s company, instead we met to kavetch about what was WRONG in our relationships.  The difference between she and I though?  I didn’t tell her only the bad, I told her MOST of the good.

Things started to turn south in her relationship before I would admit that things were not all unicorns and glitter in my own, and then things got interesting.

I found myself sharing the not so peachy things so that she didn’t feel bad about not being satisfied with her partner.

As things got worse in her relationship she started commenting on mine.

I don’t know how you do it
How can you put up with that behavior
Wouldn’t it be nice to have something different

It is not even that she was totally wrong…it was the timing of those helpful gems that are suspect.

If she was having a good week with her man….there was nothing for her to say about my relationship.  As soon as it was less than rosy on HER end…it was time to point out all of the flaws in my relationship.

Mind you…she had no desire for my partner…her desire was to not be alone and single.  She didn’t wish me UNHAPPINESS….but she didn’t want me too happy while she was feeling alone.

What I did not realize….until only within the past couple of months?  That feeling of being alone was nothing that could be cured by anything except HER fixing HERSELF.

It was what one would call coincidence (if you believe in that sort of thing) that our relationships ended at almost the same time.  We were single again….so we were sisters again.

Until I was able to move on with the next phase of me faster than she could.

I wasn’t dating but I was entertaining. She was doing neither.

God Bless her…she approached every man she met as her next relationship.  I know that it sounds condescending … but I don’t know how else to put it.

There was never a just say hello and see where it takes you….it was always I need a credit report, a DNA sample, a 10 year residency report, and 12 references before I can shake your hand.

Our conversations during that phase is what started the distance.

She would say: “I HAVE STANDARDS! I CAN’T JUST HOP INTO BED WITH ANY OLD BODY!”

I would say…who said anything about sex? Go have a cup of coffee.

BUT I WANT A MAN SHE WOULD SAY!

My response…go DATING.

Her response?  That’s easy for you Nicole everybody already wants you.  No one wants me but the same old circle of useless men that I don’t want.

I would remind her of how brilliant she was, how beautiful she was, how much she had to offer, and in return I would be reminded of how easy it was for me because I put out.

Uh no.

Meeting people is not simple for me because of my outlook on sex, it is easy for me because I am not trying to rush every man that I meet into making me his wife.

Meeting people for me is not simple because I am prettier than the next woman….I can point out to you 30 women without blinking that are more physically attractive than I am….but at the end of the day I give men something that those prettier women do not.

This friend and I grew further apart as my current relationship took hold.  By the time I could say that I was his…she was still single.

That single mentality led to her making some eyebrow raising choices, and I did try to talk to her, but she was not willing to listen.

She was singing that song that I have heard too many times before:

I am sick of my female friends with men telling me to be patient while they get to go home to their men and I have to sleep alone.

The female inability to be happy for someone who is in a relationship as long as they are not also in a relationship.  As Antoine would say Hide yo husbands!  When that song is playing…that is when you have to sound the alarm, and hide your dick from the single females around you.

That song right there is more dangerous than taking a ride on the Titanic without a wet suit, life jacket and GPS with flares.

When I was single…this friend…..and my other single friends were so busy going YOU RIGHT GIRL DON’T CHANGE, while altering their own DNA to get some on call dick of their own.  When I would make an attempt to be authentic they would remind me that is not how a good submissive girl acts.

You know who didn’t say that?

My happily married and happily attached friends.

My friends with partners ENCOURAGED my exploration – they encouraged my growth – they encouraged my authenticity.

When I went out an got the gatekeeper (my maintenance man) they applauded me.  Smart girl they said!

My single friends?  Why you wanna waste your time with him?  You’re gonna miss out on your man by fucking around with him, he’s not going to want you knowing that you are already fucking someone else.

The reality?

The maintenance man kept me from making an idiot relationship choice because I was too horny to think of anything else but when I was going to feel the weight of a man on top of me.

My attached friends wanted me to pick the person that was best for me, and if it meant having dick on call in the interim to make that choice they wanted it to be good dick while I waited.

My single friends simply wanted me to be horny and lonely like they were.

And this is not to say that they didn’t want me happy….they just wanted to be happy FIRST.

The reality?

The one that picked me (and yes he picked me) didn’t give a shit about the maintenance man.  He had swag enough to know that if he came correct the gatekeeper would have to move along.

Today?  I still talk to the gatekeeper, but he’s someone else’s fence these days.

Woman to woman…this is just a cautionary tale:

Don’t let your single friends keep you single.
If you are looking for something seek first the examples of what you desire then adapt and emulate.

It may be hard out there for a pimp as the song goes…but it is even harder for a single woman – who does not WANT to be single – to find a partner when she is getting her ONLY advice from other single women.

But hey…it’s only my opinion