They exist in all aspects of interpersonal relationships and situations.  From the story of that time Lil Kim had to get her stomach pumped because she ingested too much sperm to the story of the waitress who meets the Wall Street mogul and they live happily ever after.

The legend is different for everyone but there are some common themes:

Superwoman Syndrome

Urban Legend: Women can have it all – career – marriage – children – success on all levels – without sacrifice

First off you need to understand that nothing comes without sacrifice.  There is a price to pay for every decision that you make in your life.  If you are willing to pay it, you will be happy with the results, but more often than not at least one of these items will cost you more than you thought you had budgeted.

No woman should be judged for making the choices that are best for her, but we need to understand that she had to give something for those choices.

I am living a life today that I resisted and ran from for most of my 38 years.  I never wanted to be a full time caretaker, and up until just 2 years ago I insisted that I did not have to be.  Then 2007 came along and my life was altered down to the foundation.

With my child entering public school, with my mother recovering from her massive stroke, with the ex having gone off to California and our future uncertain, I needed to pull out my checkbook and start writing for the items on the conveyor belt.

By 2009 I realized that something had to go, and that something was the one thing that used to matter to me the most, my career.  I’d fought hard to return to the workforce, and there I was faced with the choice of staying in corporate America and watching my family fall apart, or giving up my 9-5 and loving the two most important people to me more than I loved myself.

It’s not been a simple time since 2009, but it is not something I regret.  It was simply the price that I had to pay. 

Urban Legend: Happily Ever After exists

I know that happily ever after exists, I know this because I am with HIM.  You can’t have the history that the two of us share and not think that fairy tales don’t exist in the real world.  This is the real world though, and to get happily ever after a whole lot of work has to happen.

Like the in – sta – matic camera though, so many of us seem to want it now now and now and are not willing to do the work.  I’ve been there myself actually.

In making the decision to be with HIM, I had to take a long hard look at what needed to happen for us to maintain this relationship and not just have a hot like fire month and then spend the next 12 in tepidville.  It took communication that I’d never been able to have before, faith I did not know existed, and patience that I was not capable of prior to this moment in time.

It took ignoring the standard that society told  me I needed to live up to and understanding my own needs, and HIS, HE is a unique creature.

Our coupling was a trial by fire and I was not at all convinced that we would make it past Thanksgiving, then I was not sure we would make it past New Year’s, then I was not sure we would make it to earth day.  Sensing a pattern?  I did, and it finally came time to let that go and do some more work.

We challenged each other to do things we’d not done before, behave in ways did not previously, and the result is we have grown together.  Happily ever after can come because both of us are putting in work. 

Happily ever after doesn’t come in a white wedding gown and 200 guests.  It comes in the comfort that your best friend is there with you and you understand that they are always going to be with you.  When transparency is something other than Scotch Tape and you stop looking outside for approval.

I think Urban Legends will be a series….I have lots of thoughts about the things we have embraced as a Western society whole that may need a little tweaking.  Right now though I have a 8 page paper to get done for school so we will pick this up in just a little while.

Stay tuned.