I’ve been told that I think too much and he was likely right when he said it, I think anyhow.  If I did not you would not have anything here to read.

Someone asked me what my vizion for Vizionz is, what is the big picture?  It is an important thought as I still work on the migration, and I am setting up the next steps.

I’ve talked about this, that it was not my original intention to do anything but have a place to write some things down, and then Vizionz took on a life of her own.  Now that she is growing I need to make more room for her.

I thought at one point that I would be writing a blog about consensual slavery in 2011.  I thought at one point I would be writing to women telling them to not be stupid.  I thought at one time that I would write funny pieces about pop culture.  I thought at one point I would write erotica.  I thought at one point it could be a Bonnie & Clyde chronicle.

It turns out that like me Vizionz is all of that and more.

There is a line from one of my favorite movies – Wild at Heart – Sailor tells Lula “how your mind works is God’s own private mystery”.  That  is kind of what Vizionz has become, a private mystery of what you will get but it is somehow interesting enough to have you visit more than once.   I appreciate that more than I can convey with a handful of words in the little screen here.

So the question is how many bright ideas can a girl have?

Hopefully more than one, and hopefully sooner rather than later.

I still think that the most INTERESTING thing that I could write about is The Man.  No he is not the most interesting thing about me, but his impact on my life and how he alters it and the ripples it has on everything else IS interesting.

I am not allowed to write about us in detail though.

Sometimes that is a good thing, other times I just go will you PLEASE reconsider?  In my head though….I know better than to keep asking the same question out loud after a decision has been made.  I like having a neck that is in one piece.

I am reading a book (among all of the other things that I have to do in a day) and it got me to thinking, will Vizionz actually touch lives in the manner that I think it will?

The book is written by a friend, it is titled My Life My Soul.  I hope she will allow me to do a literary Vizionz with her in a little bit, but if not I will still talk about the book.  It will touch people, what other option is there when the story is that powerful?

Then I get to wondering if mine is just as powerful?  Am I that extraordinary in this world?  My initial answer is yes, but then again, I am biased.

I wonder a little though, I can not tell a lie:

As I stumble through my current relationship, and talk about the mistakes of my past relationships, what can one learn from that?  I can’t teach you how to be a good Christian wife, I’m not a wife and I do not identify as Christian.

I can’t teach you how to be America’s Next Top Chef.  I hate cooking.  No one has died from eating my food (that I know of) and on occasion folk say WOW THIS IS GREAT!  But I still don’t like to cook.

I can’t teach you how to make friends and influence people, because I have like 4 friends and my circle of influence extends mostly to Bonnie & Clyde who systematically ignore me and plot my demise so they can have cigarette and Elmo parties and make it rain with Monopoly money.

So why am I doing this?

I do this because it feels good, I do this because you keep coming back, and I do this because I know the answer to how many orgasms does it take to change a light bulb.

I don’t know that I am teaching anyone anything.  Well I could be teaching myself that the fastest way to carpal tunnel lays at the tips of my fingers on the keys of the MAC, but I am also teaching myself another important lesson.

I was talking to a friend today, and I told him it will be in the book.  I need to focus on that just as much as school and the migration and the leak in the bathroom.

All aspects of this thing that I do are just as important as the other and if one falters I have issues continuing to juggle the others.  The thing is….HE has a lot to do with that.  It is not because of you as Celine Dion would sing, but HE’s had quite the impact.  How do I explain that when I can’t write about that?  You talk about how many orgasms it takes to change a light bulb. 

The answer is zero, or 1,000,000,000 or somewhere in between.  Frankly the answer is somewhere in between, and your answer is different than my answer.

The light bulb is the idea that happiness exists and I have a right to it, not that it would be nice to have it but I have a MOTHERFUCKING RIGHT to it.

The light bulb is how to manage all that I must to get the results that I am allowed to have.

The light bulb is understanding my role in life, not the one that I played so well at 30 but the one that is the real McCoy at 38.

Swift is better than slow, although I understand better than others that you can not make anyone move at a rate faster than they can jog.

I still say don’t listen to me….I really don’t know shit.

But then again, I do know how to spin a tale so just maybe ……

nah

never mind.