Okay so……

In the past I have described myself as commitment phobic, that could still be an accurate assessment but bear with me here please.

There are milestones that you hit in a relationship, that will move you forward or send you packing, or as it has been in my history have you running like Michael Johnson and his golden Nikes

I have a horrific fear of rejection.  I want everyone to like me.  Lots of people do, lots of people don’t but I spent so much time as a youth trying to fit in, trying to blend in with the crowd, trying to be one of the gang, that now at 38 it seems wrong if folk don’t like me.

Now when the rubber meets the road and I have to choose between people liking me and what I have to do to stay in character, I choose character and fuck all the rest.  That doesn’t mean though that I do not want people to like me.

My fear of rejection doesn’t just invade the local bar, or the publishing houses, or my Internet worlds, it also invades my relationships.

Some doctor, hell maybe even ME in a couple more years, will remind me that it all comes from my mother, but in the meantime I live by the motto leave before you are left.

If you roll out before your feelings get hurt you win, you avoid suffering.

You also avoid connections, you also avoid happiness, and you are under the delusion that suffering is not a natural part of life.  We all need the occasional delusion though right?

When things look like they could get serious, I get happy feet.

objects in mirror appear smaller but yepper that right there would be me

For an older fatter chick who almost always wears heels I can move pretty fast when you say things to me like….we have to get you a toothbrush for the house.

I will give you the dumbest blankest look as if someone took a vacuum to the nape of my neck and pulled out all of my gray matter or I will break out into this song:

Now I know that some of you aren’t old enough to remember this PSA but I am and it applies.

I don’t entertain the toothbrush conversation.

That conversation leads to sleep overs, then you will be calling me your girlfriend, then you want me to meet your friends, then I wake up 5 years later and you are still there and WELP we can not have that can we?

So I tend to avoid the toothbrush conversation. 

But on occasion it pokes its ugly head into what would otherwise be a lovely day, and then I have to scramble to fix the glitch in the Matrix.

Sometimes you get the toothbrush thing not in a question or a conversation but in a statement like:  I got you a toothbrush it’s over there….

The correct response to that is to offer anal sex and while they are in an orgasm induced coma take your Zippo and melt the bristles of the brush.

But sometimes, you meet with someone who knows you so well that you give up the anal sex, melt the bristles and when they awaken they tell you:  Your spare toothbrush is over there on the dresser…throw out that one you just melted and replace it.

Sometimes you can NOT avoid the toothbrush situation.  No matter what you do to prevent it.  It can sometimes be like the sun rising in the east and shit….not a damned thing you can do to stop it.

So what does the commitment phobe do when confronted with the Crest Spin Brush?

I will let you know when I figure it out constant reader.