Welcome to Philadelphia, where 8-8 is sufficient enough to keep your job.

I used to look forward to writing a football post.  I would impress the constant reader with my football knowledge and prove that just because my breasts are magnificent does not mean that I can’t tell the difference between a flea flicker and a quarterback sneak.

I no longer look forward to writing about football because I have accepted that I am in an abusive reltionship with someone who thinks that I am an idiot.  This man:

Jeffrie Lurie thinks that I am stupid, and he thinks that I will simply accept his treatment of me, no matter how often he fucks up.

I came to the conclusion that Jeff thinks I am stupid based on his performance this afternoon when he told me that my chester the molester uncle Andy Reid wants me to sit on his lap for another season.

Fuck you Jeffrie Lurie…I want a restraining order and compensatory damages for the past 13 years of my life.

You rode in here in in 1994 as the savior from Norman Braman.  A decade later, I am almost convinced I would have been better off with the car dealer as the owner instead of you. You took $195 million dollars to buy my beloved Eagles, they are now worth well over a billion dollars and you still continue to fuck me over despite my protests and without my consent.

I understand – I guess – why you had to let Ray Rhodes go, and brought me fatback Reid, but today you showed me that you just aren’t that into me, and frankly it hurts.

The thing is Jeff, if you were committed to Reid as a coach and you actually had faith in his abilities to bring the Lombardi trophy to Philadelphia, you would have said that today.  You would have walked up to the lecturn and said:  Andy fucked up this year, but I still think he is the best chance we have to win so I am sticking with him.  I know this is not a popular decision, but I am not here to make the popular decisions.  I will keep an eye on things and if we don’t get the bounce back I expect based on Reid’s history, well there will be consequences. 

Instead you took me on a 30 minute milking Andy’s prostate session where you attempted to sell me on all the good that Reid has done.  If I want to watch a circle jerk, I know where to locate gay porn Jeff, I do not want it from the owner of my football team.

You told me that you are a risk taker at the same time you tell me that Reid is not rigid, and you think I am supposed to day well golly gee, I guess he knows better than I do.

Fuck all that.  What I know is that apparently Andy Reid has pictures of you fellating a poodle because you can’t come out and tell me that this is the MOST disappointing season since you bought the team, and then tell me what a fucking stellar job Andy and his intangibles have done, and might do next year.

The only intangible here is that you seem to think with your PHD and your Oscar, that I and the rest of the Eagles nation are idiots and will swallow what you have fed us.  Newsflash – I only swallow from the one that I love.  You and that drivel you called a news conference today I spit out like the sour jizz it is, and I hope that it hits you back in the eye. 

This team practices well?  Get the entire fuck outta here, of course they practiced well, they were playing the Philadelphia Eagles in practice!  This is the team that lose 5 different 4th quarter leads, and could only beat the Miami Dolphins.  My mother with her gimpy arm, and one good leg could beat the Miami Dolphins Jeff.

This team that your coach put out on the field week after week was undisciplined, sloppy, and couldn’t mount any type of strategy to win a game until you put the Washington Redskins in front of them.

If you really thought before the season began that the Eagles were close to the level of the Saints and the Packers, you can not now, today, stand there and tell me that Andy Reid deserves one more year to break my heart.  To waste one more year of Michael Vick’s career.  To tell me once more that he made the correct decision promoting Juan Castillo to DC.

The two are conflicting thought patterns.  That makes you insane, or your thought pattern that this fan is stupid.  I am not stupid Lurie.

Reid has has 13 years to bring home the Lombardi. For 13 years he’s brought us the same ole tired ole mantra of well golly gee I have to do a better job….

Does it take 13 years to realize that he doesn’t have that better job in him?  Does it really?

You stand there and tell me that the players love to play for him?

Do a 53 man poll of your locker room and ask just one question:

Would you rather have Andy Reid as your coach or a Superbowl ring?  I can already hear 53 consecutive fuck Andy Reids…kind of like the 53 fuck Andy Reids that come out of my mouth on any given Sunday.

Your endorsement of Reid and his intangibles tells me that 8-8 is acceptable to you.  I am gonna go out on a limb and speak for my fellow fans and tell you that it is not acceptable to us.

I don’t have to know the Andy Reid you know Jeff, I know the Andy Reid that has not brought a championship to this city in 13 years.

That is all that I need to know.

Scratch that…I need one more thing….a 12 step program to get out of this abusive relationship since is it obvious that you give zero fucks about this team winning it all.