In the past two months or so my interactions with Hafez have gotten worse.  We no longer even pretend that we can be cordial to one another.

In the years that I’ve spoken out on his behavior, he’s always come back with the narrative that I am getting second hand information, or making it up.

For a period of time, yes my information was second hand. Honestly though, if you look at our years of conflict I’ve mostly used his own words against him.  Because those words were a house of lies, it often collapsed around him. When you weave a tale that is not based on truth you can forget the lies that you tell, and that happened frequently in our verbal jousting.

2 years ago, Hafez and I were in the same place at the same time.  Well, the three of us Hafez, ____ and I were in the same place at the same time. We were all in attendance at a kinky conference and he had opportunity to confront me face to face about all of the alleged lies I’ve spread about him over time.

____ also had the opportunity to confront me, as Hafez claimed she wanted to do, to kick my ass and defend her man’s honor.

During that event ____ still had no idea who I was, and I can share she did not approach me in any fashion.  She never deviated from her last message to me before she deleted her Fetlife account – thank you.

Hafez who DOES know who I am, left the room any time I entered.  Any room, any time, all day and all night. He never once made an attempt to be close enough to me to fart in my direction, let alone set me straight about the lies he claims I spread.

I think those actions speak for themselves.

I also think that my actions speak for themselves.

This is not a man that I have ever petitioned for a romantic or any type of relationship.

This is not a man who rejected my attention and affection.

Until he broadcast his own behavior, our interactions were cordial.

It was after that broadcast, and my reaction to it that things began to go left.

The funny thing about the Internet is that information is out there forever – it never goes away.

If one were inclined to go back to our interactions over the years, you will find my account of how we related to one another to be accurate.

These offenses were not done to me.  I suffered no personal harm by the actions of Hafez.  The only thing I lost was the time it took to read and respond to what he put out there himself.

I’ve found over time the more I tell the aboutt he  behavior of Hafez the more he thinks it is important to discredit me.  To that I simply respond, I have no reason to lie.

I have no personal investment into this situation other than my connection to humanity.  I saw a human being I thought was suffering and I did what I could to help.  That is my agenda, no more no less.

What prompted this series of entries was a series of events that I could not make up if I tried.

It was a typical heated exchange with Hafez and I, perhaps on Facebook, perhaps on Fetlife, I no longer recall. The difference this time was as he fell back to his old comfortable lie that ____ was there with him, and she did not approve of what I was saying….. ____ made contact with a friend of mine Saki.

It turns out that she was not there with AMP, she was in her own home, minding her own business, oblivious to what he was saying about her.

That eventually led to a 3-way conversation with myself, Saki, and ____.  For the first time she and I were able to speak directly to one another without the interference of AMP.

Her words to me were genuine, grateful, and I can say that she is truly a woman and a lady in the purest definition of the word.

I felt in my heart, long before that conversation that Hafez was full of shit, but it was that 3-way call that put the final nail into his coffin.

We spoke for quite some time, and there as zero animosity between us at the end of that conversation.  In her heart, in my heart there NEVER WAS.  It was simply the vizion that Hafez wanted us to believe.

I am thankful that I never believed him, and thankful that the opportunity finally came to get confirmation from her.

Yes I feel vindicated, but I also feel that living life in honesty and authenticity wins out over all.  That is how I approached the situation from its inception, and that is how I approach it now.

Empowered by that conversation with____ I was able to take the gloves almost all of the way off when it came to AMP.  There were limitations to what I could say on Fetlife however and that prevented me from sharing her story as I know it.

It was the actions actually of Hafez that brought this story here for your viewing.  When it became clear that yes I was in contact with ____ and yes I knew things that ONLY she could share with me, Hafez took to action of  blocking me on Fetlife.

When a person is blocked from another’s page, all of the blocked persons responses disappear and all that remains is the writing of the other.  With the click of a button Hafez thought that he was deleting the trail of truth I’d confronted him with, and that it would allow him to continue to talk out of turn with no response from me.

I do not think that he expected I would use this forum to speak my peace and put this situation to rest.

As I’ve written here, he’s been on Fetlife trying to spin the same old tale that I have a personal vendetta against him.

Well constant reader, I do not like him, but I will let you determine for yourself if this is a vendetta.

The question I’ve been asked the most in the past 72 hours is will ____ return to Fetlife to corroborate what I’ve shared.  The answer to that question is I do not know.  I have not asked her to nor will I.  She will return to Fetlife in her own time, or perhaps not at all.  If she returns she will address this, or perhaps she won’t.  That is her decision, I respect it, and I ask that those of you who know her respect it as well.

I do not need her to corroborate what I’ve said.

I shared this in part so that those who’ve witnessed my interactions with Hafez see my WHY.  I also share this so that those of us who live in this life can evaluate who we are, and what we stand for.

This is not a call to arms against any one person, it is the opportunity to look inside ourselves and ask what can each of us do as individuals to make this lifestyle safer.  That answer will be different for all of us, but I hope that it does compel that question and we each act in our own way to make this life better.

I also shared this so that the abused among us understand that someone is always watching, and listening, and that if you need help, it can arrive.  __  never expected a stranger in Philadelphia to come to her defense.  I never expected that I would defend her. Yet, my one act of empathy and compassion helped her.  If you are in an abusive relationship there is one act of empathy and compassion out there for you as well.

I expect that my interactions with Hafez will be limited online.  We don’t belong to the same groups, and should rarely stumble across one another online.

We will both be at Black BEAT 2014 though.  If I’ve lied about him he can address it there and I welcome the conversation.

I also welcome his response here should he decide to share it.  As promised when this began, any one who wants to express their dissent will be welcome to do it and it will get the exact same treatment as expressions of support. You will not be censored here.

As for me? Telling her story took an emotional toll on me.  I am going to take a few hours to readjust myself.  My empathy for her remains.  My admiration for her accomplishments remains as well.

Finally, for those who read, I make no statement to what you should do with this information.  You now have it, and the choice is your own how to manage it. I do have an opinion, when do I not?  In this instance though, I am going to keep that opinion to myself.

 

Aphrodite Brown