They say how get them is how you keep them.  I ask if the process of courting is included in that line of thought.

I’ve confessed that I am not great at dating.  In my mind I do it poorly.  I don’t think that  dating was made for me yet on paper at least I’ve done it.

Now that I’ve confessed that I really like my girlfriend and I am enchanted by all that she is, I now get to the part about not fucking it up.  I suppose that part one of that would be to stop talking about her, especially since she is one of you constant reader, but is it not natural to shout to the heavens my bitch bad?

Yes I worry about fucking it up, but more so I worry that I will disappoint her.  Relationships are complex, and ours is a relationship…so yes it is complex.  We are both bright, we value one another, we keep the lines of communication open all of this is positive.  It is a sign that we are mature adults looking to enhance one another.  Isn’t that important?  Yes it is.

And…. here I am worrying about fucking it up.

For me this particular scenario is uncharted territory.  It is beyond being in a LDR, it is beyond being with a woman.  The details of the complexity will remain in my head simply understand that they exist.

Well kind of.

I wrote these first few paragraphs on 02-26-14.  It is now 02-27-14, a whole other day.

I do that at times, get to writing about something and have to leave it for one reason or another.  Yesterday I got distracted by something unique and wonderful and it gave me a sense of comfort that what I’ve said to her often – and believed – we will be okay…meant we would really be okay.

Now I am worried about courting her. See it never stops, one thing gets settled and another pops up. She would tell me I worry too much, and she’s right.

I have concerns still about courting her.  I want her to understand that this is not situational or convenient or something to place hold or pass the time.  I am serious about fostering our connection, building our foundation, and allowing us to develop into whatever we shall be.

I have vizionz of what we can be and they are beautiful.  And sometimes dreams really do come true.

 

Aphrodite Brown