I stopped watching the NFL Draft after the first two rounds.  There was an elephant in the draft room that I just didn’t want to exist.  Where would Michael Sam go in the draft?  The idea that he would not be drafted didn’t exist for me. Slightly undersized as he is, the football resume is what it is and the resume is tight.

The question for me was where in the draft he would go.

Higher or lower than his peers?  Either could be an issue, either would be an issue.  Sam’s decision to proclaim his sexuality made it an issue.  The idea that there would be a man who was openly homosexual playing for the NFL is news.  Now mind you, he will not be the first gay man, nor the first bisexual man to play the game.

I know this personally.  An ex played in the NFL for many, many years, at a very high level.  He’s got records and Pro Bowls on his resume.  He liked to have sex with men just as much as he liked to have sex with me.

He was not the only one of his kind.  I witnessed another man, NFL player, this one with Super Bowl Rings, give a blow job that had me taking notes.

I recall my relationship with my ex and giggle that but for the grace of god – any god pick one – I could be on some reality TV show talking about my time with that ex, and still keeping that secret.

He never considered coming out.  When we were together he’d not even told his mother.  I don’t know if he ever did.  I do know that Jason Collins and Michael Sam did not embolden him to the point were he would get on ESPN and explain this is not a new phenomenon to sports and people really don’t give a shit… in the locker room.

His teammates knew.  His coach knew.  No one outed him and no one gave a shit as long as he suited up and did what they paid him to do.

Even the most religious of his teammates didn’t throw Holy Water on him and try to pray the gay away.  They simply said good game – or not good when he had a less than stellar performance.

When Jason Collins announced his sexuality I cried.  I cried for his courage, I cried because he should never have to proclaim it, I cried because of the attention.  I just cried.

I cried again with Sam.  This man at the beginning of a potential career did something that had not been done… something that should not need to be done.. and something that should have alleged grown ass men not letting this little boy stand alone.

Yet men like my ex, and the other I referred to in this tale remain silent.

Quite honestly I’ve never wanted to out someone so much in my life.  I cried because of that.

My desire to alter the conversation had me consider outing a man who’s sexuality is no one’s business but the people who he is having sex with now.

I need to chant about that.

I also need to chant for the rest of you who are making this a big deal that Michael Sam was drafted.

Even though… it kind of is, while it kind of isn’t at the same time.

 

Aphrodite Brown