I think I wanna go on a date.

I don’t know all of the reasons why, but I am fairly sure that I want to go out on a date.

Mind you, I abhor dating.

First off I have a terrible attention span. I could blame it on the lack of quality men I’ve met. I might blame it on the past eight years of caring for Bonnie & Clyde and the limited time I had to devote to dating. I could blame it on my lingering affections for two men I am no longer with but who still hold places in my heart that shall remain as long as my heart beats.

There are many ways I could toss blame out there but the reality is I have a short attention span. If you are able to grab my attention, holding it is almost impossible. Especially now at 43 combined with all I’ve seen and done the idea of just “dating” is anethama to me.

I inherently know I don’t want to be ” single ” forever but the idea of beginning a new relationship is ………ugh.

I don’t really want to play the get to know you game. I certainly don’t want to play the crazy ex game. What is in my head is finding a suitable sexual partner but my proclivities make that a little tougher than average.

I feel desire able again. No matter of it was officer friendly or the security guard at work whose testicles seem to have dropped in the past month just like Clyde’s, I feel wanted. My flirt game is forever on fleek but I haven’t used it much in the past couple years. Let’s say I’ve been busy (and yes that is true) – but I also haven’t been willing to take things beyond flirtation.

I mean seriously what am I gonna say: come back to my transitional housing with me and hold hands on the sofa until curfew? While I only have a silicone penis, I suspect that would be a deflation suggestion.

I am too damned old to be fucking in a car. The last time I did that was about five years or so ago with the gatekeeper and that just reminded me my old ass needs a bed. A big bed. A big soft bed. I also want to be alone in that bed when I am finished having sex with you.

B would tell you I like to cuddle, but I really don’t. I am however good at giving you what you need and in his case..,..a cuddle or 12.

I didn’t make it to Weekend Reunion. It was a difficult but purposeful move.  Had I gotten there this would be simpler to figure out.  I could’ve gotten the cobwebs knocked off and then I could be sure that I want to date vs. I want to fuck. I am gonna make it to Baltimore for the Unity Munch though so the kink specific opportunities are on the horizon.

I simply am unsure what I want in the interim.  You know me though constant reader, when I figure it out I will let you know.

 

Aphrodite Brown