“make up your mind so I know where I stand”

I am out on the back patio sipping coffee. It is late August and the seasons are gonna make this impossible soon. Staring at my pink polish on my toe nails it occurred to me this is my last sense of being alone.

In some ways I am always gonna be a loner. If I was built to be a part of a machine before the last decade erased that capability.

Very soon they are going to give me keys to a new place I can call home.  Shortly after that Clyde is gonna be back in his own room, his own bed.

I can’t wait for that day, it’s been way too long, but it occurred to me that I am headed back to life ……a place where all of the things I am doing now for me get replaced by the needs of those I love.

Last night I wanted to go have a beer after work. A simple thing really yet something that is almost impossible to make happen when Clyde comes home.

I sent a text out to the BFF but she wasn’t able to join me. I contemplated going alone but I did not.  I’m not ready to be out alone in vanilla public playing nice with strangers. It struck me though that my network of “girls” was just like me. None of us are in our 20s anymore and we all have family commitments now.

The female portion of the squad can’t just up and go to Scooters like we used to every Thursday to Sunday.

As I prepare to go back 2 life, I am reminded that life as I knew it has changed.

There are pros and cons to both, but no matter which list turns out longer, I think I am prepared.

 

Aphrodite Brown