I wanna know what you’re thinking………
Well not exactly, except I do.
My identity is fluid. I respond to you based in the energy I feel from you. That energy isn’t always what you may expect of me.
At times I choose to alter my interaction with you based on what I sense you need but that’s almost always a temporary adaptation. I am highly likely to revert to our initial energy to balance our interactions.
For some my fluidity is a problem. They expect a “me” based on how I present to others without understanding their energy requires something different.
I ran into one of those moments recently and frankly I am unsure how to manage things. What is expected of me is the old savage me. Despite his proclamation that he doesn’t like savages, what he wants from me requires me tapping back into that girl who didn’t give a damn and took what she wanted.
His energy on the other hand inspires me to defer, to follow and to service. While there are lots of men out there thinking – yaaaaasssssss – what he is expecting is something different. The positive is he is adaptable, and that means our interaction learning curve is gonna be shorter than most. The not as positive is specific and lengthy conversations are gonna happen which may just kill my vibe.
As a lifestyler I understand that these conversations are necessary. I also know how to make them sexy. I know all of these things inherently but I am also spoiled to the point I don’t want to do them. Dealing almost exclusively with dominant males in the past 10 or so years spoiled me. I’ve adjusted to my default of follow so frequently now that leading doesn’t sit comfortably. There’s also the whole relationship with “a” which ended so horribly, but the main issue is my default.
I have zero doubt that I can “teach” him how to manage me. My question at the moment is can I do it without creating a “relationship level event”. An event which turns our exploration into something tangibly more complex. I don’t want complex. I want simple and in a sense disposable.
Yet…..I also want that intensity I saw in the deli, directed to me, ON me.
His energy says yield. Now I just have to get him to channel that energy.
Aphrodite Brown