I have really smart friends. I am kind of smart also, except when it comes to advanced mathematics.  I have to take off my shirt to count to two.

It’s not easy to hold my attention these days.  Jaded is a word that fits well. I’ve seen a lot, done a lot, and there isn’t much out there I haven’t seen before. When you get to this point in my life, an interested partner needs to be someone special.  For me especially, you have to be a combination that tilts my head and makes me ask questions.  If I am not curious enough to try to figure you out, this isn’t going to go very far.  I don’t have the interest and patience most days for something,,,hmmm substantial for lack of a better word at 5am.

Some of it is being gun shy, putting my heart out there for it to be broken. Some of it is just me being me, I more often than not have male ho tendencies and I rarely reign them in for respectability purposes.

Regardless, yes there are conquests out there and I am a hunter after all, that is what a lioness does. It’s rare  that someone will make me wonder ….what if…..

When that rare lightning strikes I pay attention.  I was telling Tempest that it happens so infrequently I spend a fair amount of time wondering if that well is empty for me.  She generally responds with a shut up and stop it, it happened before therefore it happens.  See? Smart.

If you’ve met me in person you know I am a flirt. I stone cold if it stands still long enough I am likely to hit on it flirt. Even your grandma ain’t safe flirt.

While I can cash every check I write, I almost never have the expectation that flirting will lead to anything beyond more flirting. If the vibe is right I may toss something more substantial out there, but mostly I just flirt.  Recently I’ve tried to test the waters in the pool.  Honestly? I got curbed twice.  It’s led to conversations with women at the employment place wondering what’s up and why they are being so stingy with the penis n’shit.

But back to flirting…..I do it a lot.  I’ve done it a lot with X. Yes I am calling this one X.  Three days and he’s already got a code name, this may be a record.

X and I have been flirting for months now.  I have to admit that when I have to call his department and its him I get a special smile on my face. It’s actually a goofy fucking smile that I would side eye if it were anyone else doing it, but it’s me. He’s witty and charming. He’s got this accent and he flirts back. Now when I have to call his department it’s always on a recorded line so I am restrained….but

A couple days ago after one of those phone calls, he asked for my number.  I didn’t think anything of it because trying to reach our location via the ‘hotline’ is an exercise in futility. I give out the cell number often so that I can be reached while I run about the terminal doing the shit I do, which is a lot.

I was surprised to pick the phone up off the charger and see a text. It was X. It was X but it was X giving orders like he knew me. Then it was me complying….like he knew me.

I felt that old familiar role slip over my shoulders like a fur stole in December and felt…..at peace.

Now of course, that didn’t last, but it HAPPENED.

There’s been a lot of conversation the last couple days.  This is not typical for me because I’ve grown used to not having to speak outside work yet I’ve looked forward to having those conversations and listening to that buttery accent.

He also sent me a photo.  It wasn’t a dick pic. Yeah he had on a fitted, but no one is perfect right?

I will usually try to avoid photos for as long as possible when you are talking the kind of distance we are talking between X and I.  Look, if I am having a struggle the last thing I want is to see a photo of you which is gonna push me away or closer. Fuck me sideways this motherfucker is beautiful.

So now I have a visual of this fine Black man with this accent saying things that put me in that headspace. Mind you he has managed to slow my roll with words like God and monogamy.   Thank the universe for small favors.

But it’s moments before sunrise and I am struggling not to text this man or worse call him.  I know damn well where that road leads.

I hit up one of my smart friends, Tempest.   I describe all of the complexities of the possibilities that are on the table, and fuck it all there ARE possibilities on the table and this chick cheers. She cheered. I believe she said yahoo! I am certain there was an exclamation point.

(*&^%##@#$@^##&%$#&#$%#$%#&

I am the queen of taking it slow these days, after last time I am thinking courtship should last about 18 or so years until I can be sure you won’t do something that is gonna almost kill me.

I know I am going to call him though. I know I am going to text him though. I may not know where this lands but the possibilities are there.

Fuck.

Aphrodite Brown