I have to pee.

Yes I am being extra literal but that was my first thought.  I picked up my phone, rolled out the bed and headed towards the bathroom.  I unlocked the phone and opened up my text app to send my good morning text.  I exited to look at my current phone wallpaper.  Right now it is a screen shot of a text message X sent me.

Before I allowed myself to drift into the insecurity of not yet having a text message from him, I revisited that screenshot.

X is ‘vanilla’. I say that to mean he is not familiar with my lifestyle even though he carries himself in the way of the life.

One of my rules was that I would not ever enter a relationship with a vanilla again. I was determined that I was not going to spend months getting them up to speed to decide if once they were, they would then be right for me.

I’m gonna be 45 in a few more days I don’t want to invest that type of time into grooming someone I may not want at the end of the day.

X of course like just about every other rule KoolAid man smashed that shit to pieces.

I plan to enlist help to get him up to speed, because this man has actually gotten me to the point where I can say, I want him. While my body is beginning to respond to the stimuli presented, it’s not even that sexual.  It’s that compulsion I often speak of here, that need to follow. During one of our calls the other day we got into a good 40 minute exchange where he purposefully tried to get me to tell him no. In my way, as I can do when needed, I lyrically danced around that question like a disco ball winner.

No matter how skilled my response he sidestepped that attempt and went target locked on getting me to say no. As I shared 40 or so minutes of this tango.  About five minutes in there was laughter in his voice. He was hip to the game and was enjoying playing.

When he tired of the game his question presented only left room for one answer.

“Do you want stop this? Do you want us to stop?”

Through gritted teeth I told him that I hated him.

I could visualize the smile on his face and all of those beautiful white teeth.

“I told you I could make you say no to me babygirl.”

It’s 2pm now.  I still have not gotten my text.

 

Aphrodite Brown 

 

~~~Editor’s Note: Before this post could completely upload for publishing the phone rang it was X