Someone I like wrote a Facebook post yesterday about their accomplishments. The ‘secret’ to their success is hard work.  That’s not shocking at all, successful people work hard.  I think my question in the moment is what happens when you work hard and shit still doesn’t pop?

Even POC have privilege.

This person has the privilege of and Ivy League education, location, accessibility.  I am not saying they don’t work hard, as I am learning about Aries they do work.  I am saying that there is a level of privilege that exists, which others might call luck.

I won’t call it luck but I will share that if luck existed my life choices at times impaired that heifer.

This is a person who’s made better choices and as a result experiences a level of privilege I don’t.  Is that their fault? Is it mine? It is a little of both in reality.  One can’t say it is only hard work that gets you to the top of that mountain, I work harder than anyone…including that person.

What I work hard at though is living and existing. My potential is to be ‘better’ than them, whatever ‘better’ means.  My reality is I have to struggle to do things like figure out how to pay the rent while unemployed.  Yes we can point to a series of unfortunate decisions along my path which made figuring out how to pay rent an issue, but the fact remains I cannot focus on my potential when the light bill is due.

Others might be able to I just can’t.

In a text message after an apology I sent the responder said I see your potential.

So do I young lady, so do I.

My problem right now though is my potential won’t buy food, won’t pay rent, and won’t finance my visits with Clyde.

My potential partner is not close.  In two years we are going to read back into this blog to see how I fell for X and how he made me a better person. Right now though X isn’t here, X isn’t my owner, and X can’t mark the spot. X right now is just potential.

He sees my potential also, and tells me daily.

I long for the day when I can stop seeing myself through the eyes of others and see me in my reflection as they do.

Today is not that day. Today is try to find another job faster because shit might just get real come December if you don’t.

Aphrodte Brown