When your sex game too much, how do you alter it to salvage another’s ego?

While I am good at most of the things that I decide to do, I tend to be very good at sex.  Sex despite all of the complications humans tend to wrap around it is pretty simple.  You get the other person(s) around you off and everyone leaves satisfied.  In theory.

In reality there are men and women out here everyday having mediocre sex.  More women than men, but there are men out here frustrated as shit too.

I’m normally pretty good when it comes to suggestions about stepping up your sex.  I know some shit, I’ve done some shit.

I’m in the unique position at the moment where I need to dispense advice and I am not sure how to do that.

The situation is complicated and for a change I actually want to spare feelings.  I not sure if I want to spare feelings for selfish reasons but I do want to make this discussion as friendly as possible.

How does one upgrade the mediocre see game of someone who doesn’t think they are mediocre? If he thinks of himself as a pleaser, and you aren’t pleased, how do you say that in non Aphrodite language? In my head I can her my voice saying your aren’t packing enough and prepping enough to have a weak stroke. So we are gonna have to do this really really long list of things to get your partner off before she sticks her tongue in your ass.

So…lets backtrack just a little.

Once upon a time there was a guy who was intrigued by a girl.  They met through a mutual acquaintance and over time developed a comfortable casual existence.  They flirted. They did things with their clothes on and enjoyed one another’s company.  It’s nothing serious, and highly unlikely to ever be serious.  [Bonus points delivered for being one of those women who can simply enjoy the company of a man without picturing him in a tux in front of a preacher]

The boy has a girlfriend.  They boy seems sexually frustrated. Since she is not interested in replacing the girlfriend the girl doesn’t ask a lot of questions about his sex life.  She gathers enough information she needs to decide he is ‘safe enough’ to have sex with and collects details of things he’d like to do. Since his dreams aren’t out of the box weird like ear-toe sex she decides he’s attractive enough to her to give him a shot.

Their first time together was meh for her and where have you been hiding those tricks for him.

They give it another go later down the line. Meh for her but at least this time there is PIV.

She senses that this might be his best efforts but he’s still proclaiming he’s a woman pleaser who enjoys making a woman happy. She chalks it up to him just being very excited at this wild world of sport sex he’s entered and figures they can eventually figure it out.

She was forewarned that if the pussy is good he will but quickly. Ok – she says to herself, I can manage that. It’s been a while buts she’s dealt with men with quick triggers before. It’s not like the Alligator King and she was caught unaware, she knows so she can prepare. She tries.

They delay PIV until she’s sucked him to orgasm.   In theory it will take longer for him to ejaculate the next time. In reality….no. Same issue, about 90 seconds in this guy is about to give himself a stroke trying not to nut, and still does it anyhow.

K.

So let’s do some other stuff I like she suggests.  Spank me. Finger me. Pull my hair and do these things. He is not terribly good at those other things.

Now our girl has questions.

Is this man’s sexual frustration because his girlfriend is repressed, or is his girlfriend less than satisfied sexually so she is in turn giving a mediocre performance? It’s more work than she really wants to put in though for such a casual connection. She asks instead about prior partners….who was the best sex you had?

He tells a story of a connection where he and the woman one night counted seven orgasms. 7.

Our girl begins to think that she’s doing college statistics and he is doing addition and subtraction.

There is a large gap between her satisfaction level and his and she wants to know how to fix it.

I don’t personally know that she should try.

To unleash his inner ‘freak’ and elevate his sex game it’s going to take a level of interest and commitment that she would normally devote to someone she was more serious about sticking around.  This is supposed to be just some adult fun to pass the time when their lives allow not work.  This is feeling like work.

She understands they can’t get into the more advanced things she might enjoy because his stamina isn’t on the level.  To get him to that level requires a commitment neither of them are in the position to give.

While she likes him and wants to keep him around, the stroke to her ego is better than the stroke to her vagina and she’s not all the way sure that it’s worth it right now.

She sent him a text, one of those text messages that women send which men hate: we need to talk.

I don’t know what to tell her about that conversation though. She’s either going to have to cut him off or flip her switch and go full BOSS on him.  Neither is attractive at the moment.

I do know that life is too short for mediocre sex.

Aphrodite Brown