I’m gonna just make that permanently one of my nicknames.
The seeds were first sewn at Weekend Reunion. My friend Temepst and others noticed that I had a lot of condoms. This is not unusual. Even when I am actively avoiding PIV sex I still carry condoms because…well you never really know until you know.
The legend continued while on a road trip to the Harlem Black Munch, Even though I used zero condoms on my overnight trip, I went home with less than I arrived, someone was in need and the condom ninja was there. I kind of thought of myself as the condom fairy godmother, but the condom ninja was born and certified during Unity Munch Weekend.
On the drive down to Baltimore Tempest and I shared stories of our kinky history with her boo First Responder. We’ve got lots of stories to tell. At some point in many of my stories there was condom discussion. During our weekend at the hotel I believe I said “I have condoms” almost as much as I said “Hi I’m Nicole”.
The name finally stuck as we were on the way to dinner. There was a fourth in the car with us, and we were discussing her possibilities. I offered her condoms. First Responder said damn you really are a condom ninja aren’t you?
There were vizionz of me descending from the ceiling when condoms were needed and then me quietly retreating to the shadows until someone threw up the “LIFESTYLES” bat signal. You see not only am I the condom ninja, I tend to have Skyn in varying sizes at the ready. Because…well you never know until you know.
This weekend some happy but unplanned shenanigans happened. I was prepared. I was prepared from everyone but this time everyone else was also prepared. I am happy about that. It meant that I could spend the day today, doing what I did…giving out condoms.
Now it was not on purpose, but I seem to have lost my headphones over the weekend and that meant I was not able to tune out my commute with Vince Staples.
On the train at 520am. Two men were discussing their after work plans. Man #1 says he doesn’t think he is gonna have time to stop and get condoms. I reach into my Hello Kitty backpack, withdraw two, walk over to him and hand them over.
While at WaWa during morning break trying to just get some coffee, woman in front of me asks if they sell single condoms. They do not. She doesn’t have enough for the 3 pack. Into the Hello Kitty wallet, withdraw two hand them over.
At the corner store buying a Black & Mild, woman walks in asking for a single condom. They are all out. Back into the backpack, withdraw two, hand them over.
On a side tangent, I don’t understand this life where people are buying one condom at a time. Seriously. What type of fucking are you doing that it only takes one condom. I need answers. Also those single condoms are usually Magnums. Some of y’all out here on these streets are fucking with saggy condoms. WTF?
When I got home this afternoon, I hung up my coat and then replaced my stash. I didnt’ intend to be the condom ninja today, but I guess if you are a condom ninja then you have to stay ready so you never need to get ready.
For me? This week I am gonna work on dipping into my supply for my own gratification. I’ve earned it. When the phone rings, you already know what I want, just say yes.
Aphrodite Brown