For millennia men have sought the time and the company of younger women. Folk don’t bat an eyelash at that, it’s almost expected. Once a man obtains a certain worldly status it’s almost commonplace he compliment that with a woman who could be his daughter. When a woman does it though….

Allow me to be transparent for a moment. Dating at 45 is fucking exhausting. I better understand my elders now who remained in commitments. It’s challenging to say the least to be a single 45 year old woman.  Add to the mix being a fat, Queer, kinky Black woman and I at times ask myself why do I bother?

I bother because I ain’t dead yet.

In the past 3 years I’ve done the impossible and I am still here. I am beat the fuck up, but I am still here. If you’ve seen me in action, you know that I can take a beating.

One of the things I have to give myself permission to do at times is be a woman. I am allowed to want company. I am allowed to want sex. I am allowed to want companionship, shared meals and all of the trimmings.

What I don’t want right now is the responsibility of a significant other. That could come in time but right now I just want a person or two that I can be a woman with and then send home.

I want someone to go see The Last Jedi with, and I want someone who eats pussy.  They don’t have to be two different people.

Even with all of the pressure and anxiety that comes with this segment of me, I am still choosing to do it. I have to.

I’ve made the decision to venture out and expose myself more to the possibilities. Along the way lately the trend is those potential companions are younger. See : https://www.vizionzfromthebottom.com/2016/09/28/yes-maam/

I’ve been out here in these proverbial streets long enough to know that crafting a long list of qualifiers only sets me up for failure. Yes I have standards, but if I only stuck to those ideas in my head of the perfect person I would never have met some of the best experiences of my life. Shit, if I’d gone with my first impression of Gei you would not even be here now constant reader because I would not be living a kink life. I told myself after that first meeting in the 7-11 parking lot that nothing would come from that meeting.  I was wrong. Even though there was a lot of pain over the years after that first meeting I am glad that I allowed myself to not hold onto my ridiculous ‘standards;’.

If I am being honest the first of his kind, that younger man, was a wolf in Hanover. Now at the TIME I didn’t know how much younger than me he was, but he is, and it was decent. Shit over time we are at a point where it might even be good the next time. Sure I am assuming there will be a next time, I mean why not?

In recent times though it’s those younger men who are stepping up to the plate. There’s a lot of me, they are eating pretty well.

Yes there are times when I crack a joke they won’t get. They will never understand the struggle of getting your favorite mix tape cassette eaten by your vehicle, or the WORK it took to make that tape sitting by your stereo with a finger on the pause button trying not to get the voice of the DJ.  They will never understand that once upon a time you could only play your Atari 2600 on channel 3 or that you could not surf the World Wide Web and use your house phone at the same time. I have to at times explain that yes there was such a thing as a house phone and that shiny coaster is called a CD.

Mostly though I attract younger men who despite not physically having experienced some of the trappings of my youth are pretty dope. They are intelligent and can hold a conversation. They have humor and purpose. Also important they have energy mentally and physically.

Ahem. Their penis also usually works. I have to qualify that because bless all of his heart one of them has some issues.

When it comes to younger kink men, it’s still working out kind of well.

There is no age requirement to swing a flogger.

One positive is that with their youth comes a freedom and exposure to alternative living I didn’t have. There was no Google in high school, I had to walk the literal streets and figure this out. These youngins have a faster learning curve because all of the kinky universe is at their fingertips which in turn those fingertips end up on you. It can be a beautiful thing.

An additional positive depending on how young I am dipping into the pond is the absence of determination to settle down.

Now we could possibly run into issues down the road with things like kids, but that is not where any of our heads are right now. We are just consenting adults doing shit.

I like doing shit.

Yes this current moment in time is significantly younger than I’ve tried lately. If we can both live up to what we say we want though I don’t see the problem.

I was asked the other day if he was out of his league. I don’t think so. Now time could prove me wrong, it’s happened before.

In this moment though there’s nothing which stops me from moving forward.

Yes I am gonna have to let Tempest get those jokes off, but it’s karma, I’ve tossed some in her direction. Shit, I still chuckle about MY reaction. Initial reaction aside, he’s made the cut so let’s see where this goes. I do have a concern. Buried in the middle of an exchange was the g word – girlfriend. In his defense he wasn’t asking ME to be his girlfriend, not even close actually.

I know me though.  If I knew that word was a part of his vocabulary I would have picked up my skirt and run in the other direction. That’s not what I want right now.

Life has shown me though every time I say I am NOT going to do something the universe laughs and says hold my beer. Shit had he been a different human being X could have locked this down  and I certainly wasn’t looking for that when it happened.

I’m not gonna make any proclamations, I am just gonna get to Friday. After Friday we can figure something else out. Or not. Both are options. I am gonna say though that much younger than this doesn’t seem to be on the table. SEEM universe SEEM. Do not send me a just filed his selective service paperwork challenge okay?

Aphrodite Brown