Do you consider aggressive behavior that of a submissive?

I feel like I’ve been here before.

Before I answer the question presented to me I should give a little context.

This was a discussion about my behaviors. It was triggered by a drunk texting session, and advice to go against my nature. I can say that neither were the best of ideas. Drunk texting has rarely gone well for me.  That extremely frail filter that I have dissolves easily in clear liquor. My drink of choice last night was E&J Apple, Lemonade and ginger ale mix. I had a lot of it.  For those of you new to me, I swore off brown liquor about 17 years ago.  E&J is apple brandy, brandy is brown.  Little good can happen with me and brown liquor.

For the record I am going back to banning brown liquor.

In my intoxicated state I reached out to a friend to ask for help to not drunk text someone.  At this stage of our development with things so up in the air with what we will eventually be, adding drunken messages can cloud things. In vino veritas they say, but I listened to the advice of my friend.

I’m blunt. I am direct. While I am known to employ diplomacy at times, when it comes to interpersonal relationships I prefer to just spit it out. I’ve learned over the years that not getting things out quickly causes strain that is not needed in what tends to be complex relationships for me.  So I’ve learned that I need to just say what needs to be said, and if you’ve made it to my ‘inner’ circle chances are I am going to just say it.

My friend suggested softening my typical invitation to the yams to something more coy.  I don’t wear coy well. I think that translated in the message exchanges, I think it also took a maybe to a no.

The conversation today dealt with for me at least something that I need. This person is important enough  to me for his opinion to matter – to an extent. I asked for structure. Doesn’t seem like that big of a deal on the surface, but this really is kind of a big deal.

I am adamant about my desire to maintain my independence and freedom.  While at some point I do want to settle into another PE relationship I am fairly confident this is not going to be that.  I’ve learned to never say never but the odds are not in favor.

I still need structure.  What I want from this person is more than just sex and slightly more than S&M.  What I know about this person so far, they are not going to react well if I approach this as I would a random dude on the streets. It means I have to support the power structure even if I eventually choose to not live within it.

Eventually the question above came into the conversation.

Is aggression the behavior of a submissive?

This is the dejavu.

Over the years I’ve heard too many times that I am not a submissive. I’ve got the receipts to prove otherwise but still that age old ‘insult’ still bounces out there.  In this person’s defense he didn’t mean it as an insult. He believes that he is helping me be more palatable as a single submissive woman.

I’ve been here before though, and I am not interested in being more appealing to the masses.

I am exceptional. I an unique. It takes a certain caliber of person to ‘rule’ me, and I am not terribly interested in altering that.

I don’t want to appeal to everyone because everyone isn’t worthy of what I bring to the table.

My behaviors are in part to thin out the heard. The weak need not apply here, it won’t go well for you. You’re more likely to end up wearing my collar than the opposite.

My behaviors are also a part of me.  I need someone secure enough to manage both my arrogance and my frailty. They exist in the same place at the same time, you have to be capable of handling that.

My aggression is the behavior of this woman who might eventually submit to you. One has to earn that being tempered, it won’t happen naturally more than likely.  It’s only happened once.  Even with Gei, it wasn’t natural it was a learned behavior.

It’s also why you can’t fuck me into submission. My orgasms and my submission are not connected. I am capable of cumming relentlessly on you penis and still getting up and not being ‘meek’. Some are unprepared for that when they’ve grown accustomed to women not in control of their sexuality, tying their new found sexual satisfaction to the individual.  That ain’t me.

I am willing to make alterations, to a point. I am still kind of intrigued by you. There is still enough there to prevent me saying onto the next one.

I know you are ‘thinking’. For what it is worth…so am I.

Aphrodite Brown