“He’s not my boyfriend.”

silence

“I just want to be clear that he is not my boyfriend.”

waits for confirmation

“Are we clear?”

“I heard you.”

He’s not my boyfriend.

Last Thursday has come and gone. I still have a couple days before I have to make the adjustments and just when I resigned myself to giving up,  there is a pass interference call which puts me into field goal range.

Yes you are getting football references my Eagles are on the way to the Super Bowl.

I do not know if they will win. They are gonna show up and play the game though. For 48 hours at least I will play. I can’t get the ball across the plane, but I might still be able to score.

maybe

If not then the announcement will come, if so the announcement will come. This is after all where I come to flush shit out that I don’t have a place elsewhere to manage.

I tried to close the door and before my years could dry there was the text message. I settled into the concept of packing and then there was an option.

He is still not my boyfriend though and there is not really a way around that one.

He reminds me that I do actually want a boyfriend at the same time he reminds me why I don’t want a boyfriend. I don’t have time for a boyfriend with all the work I am gonna have to do if I can make this kick. I certainly don’t want what he’s been giving, not in the least. I told her today, I deserve better.

I still want to explore things with him though, and it has me standing.

When I left work with that new opportunity, possibility sitting there, he was the first person I thought of to share it with. Okay, the second, but he was the first I would have actually sent that text. Something happened and I wanted to tell him. In his defense he even responded.

Mind you, all that shit from last night is still unanswered but he cheered me on. Built for it he said. He’s not wrong.

He reminds me that I actually want to share my life even if it turns out to not be him.

I’m not in the business of convincing you how spectacular I am. I am especially not here to beg for physical attention. That’s never been a problem for me and it’s not gonna start now.

I have to stop trying to turn jjabrams. The way to do that is to move along. The way to move along is to play the game. I have to make this kick.

It’s a lot of pressure.

I am gonna crumble or become a brilliant diamond.

Stay tuned.

Aphrodite Brown