I realized over this weekend that I am actively trying to live.

I am kind of proud of myself.

I did a few things which on the surface seem tiny but in the world of Aphrodite are huge.

I bought shoes.  I didn’t buy practical shoes.  I bought 4 inch silver glittery sparkly shoes. First because I have to replace my other silver sparkly shoes.  I don’t think I will ever throw them away because they are a memory of the strip club in Baltimore.  I can’t wear those damn shoes any more though.

I needed a pair of shoes which are specific and girly and bring out that part of me.  I needed a pair of shoes which remind me that I really am that chick and I am that sexy.

I bought them.

I beat myself up mentally for spending the money but I bought them.

I went to a munch.

I took a shower, I put on a dress, I walked into a club to see people I did not know.

Yt people even.

I’ve been pretty specific that I am not about that adding new yt people life.  I am still not really, but what I am is ready to expand my possibilities.

I only stayed about an hour and a half and only then because I found a Black person to talk to who wasn’t 22.

I may even go back.  Maybe.

If I have learned nothing else over the years what I know is that sitting in the basement won’t get me connected to anyone who is not already in the basement.

If I am going to be open to the possibility of making a relationship I have to put myself into the position to meet someone.  There is only 1 way to do that and that is to do something. Anything other than sit in the basement.

My 2 main conversation partners last night were not potentials, but they were a start.  Someone might see me smiling and laughing and think….maybe.

All I need is a maybe. I can take it from there. And I want to take it….I think.

 

Aphrodite Brown