Regardless of the side of the slash one identifies, frequently we spend a lot of time focusing on the other person in the relationship.

Yes, within a relationship you must include the other party in your process, yet you must also think of you.

You are the one thing within the relationship you have control over, yes even if you are resting on the bottom. Prioritizing you can be healthy. Making you central to the success of the relationship can be positive to the overall health of your relationship.

I’m not saying be self centered I am saying demonstrate self love.

Can your relationship be the best it can be if you aren’t physically and mentally healthy?

Can your relationship grow if you aren’t able to be a complete person outside its confines?

Is your relationship giving you what you need, what you want?

As a person on the bottom of the slash, one becomes trained and conditioned to put the desires of the leader first. It becomes how you are wired and aligned, yet it is also important to not diminish the self in this process.

Sure there will be people who call that statement blasphemy, yet its something to consider. It is also something that can coexist with surrender.

At the top of things, you might believe that you are putting yourself first because well you call the shots. In a sense that is true, but there is often a level of empathy towards your bottom participant. While that is not a bad thing, can it – the absence of self in the decisions – impact the relationship? The short answer is yes, and there are certainly levels to this shit.

What do you think Constant Reader? Is lack of self focus, not making you a priority, a thing which can impair your relationship?

Aphrodite Brown