I’m not home so I haven’t been to the diner but it felt like time to drop some random thoughts.

I’m on a road trip of sorts. Someone that I love asked me to come through and I was able to come through. There’s a puppy here. Well she is a full grown dog, but its puppy because I adore her. She’s amazing. I actually miss having a pet. I went for so many years without one, after Tori killed Papi. Then along came Onyx.

My baby Onyx was a birthday present for Bonnie but Onyx picked me as her human. Onyx showered with me. She ate vegetables. Onyx was the only one I had left after the incident. I remember going back to Limekiln Pike, because I had no place else to go. It took her 2 days to trust that it was me. I still don’t know how she really survived. I was hospitalized for 26 days. My Onyx was amazing though. The constant drip in the kitchen made sure she had water, I am sure that she ran out of food after 2 weeks at the most. Nevertheless one night I woke up with a cat on my chest. I wept. When I shaved my head while there in the house she moved her sleeping position from the foot of the bed to the top of the bed. She was worried my head would get cold so she’d wait until I fell asleep and use her fur to keep me warm. She came with me when I went to Lexie’s and that’s the last time I saw her. 2 days later Lexie sent a text that she passed. The Yarn women have now killed 2 of my pets.

Anise is pure love though, she’s the puppy. I cant help but to smile with her. Even though this trip turned out different than my host and I intended, the puppy is worth it. This whole trip is worth it, but the puppy is amazing. The other night as I was processing some shit that went down and the puppy stayed down here with me. She sensed my disturbance and she didn’t leave me alone.

The trip was supposed to be me just helping out, I wasn’t supposed to be the one to get the help. The Universe I’ve rejected for the last 4 years has other plans though. I don’t know what the end of this trip looks like but I’m going to be different. I’m going to be better in a few ways. I have to remind myself that it doesn’t mean things will go smoothly. When I go home the truck still might need work, its still in the boonies, and I still have to work through my shit.

I’ve got some shit folks.

I am going to be different though no confusion there.

I drank a smoothie. More than one. I’ve eaten almost no poultry or red meat and I took a walk. Sure the walk was to. Get cigarettes, but it was still a walk. Tonight momma told me to run the tape back and remember that at the end of the day its all been for the greater good. I’m processing that. There’s a lot of trauma here, and intellectually I can look at it and agree but a broken heart is a broken heart.

Aphrodite Brown