The first What Would You Do scenario was based on a situation that actually happened to me:

You’re at a public play party. The couple is playing in moderate traffic area of the room. There is enough room for people to maneuver without interrupting the scene but it is in a high visibility location.

A party goer, who appears to be intoxicated starts to watch the scene. He moves closer and closer to the bottom, who is a woman and topless.

He reaches out and pinches her nipple, during the scene and without asking permission.

WWYD?

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The scenario was presented with the following options for response:

What would you do as a top – bottom – event producer – dungeon monitor.

This post happened right after an event and while at the event I witnessed a scene interruption. That interruption was different than the one I experienced but it showed me that the issues I ran into when I first entered the public scene over 10 years ago still exist. While things have changed for me over these years that doesn’t mean that there are not people new to this who won’t encounter the same things I did.

There are people out here who need the same education that I needed, the same guidance as I needed. It’s now my place as your Ratchet Auntie to do as was done to me and create a space for education and questions.

Back to the scenario:

The initial responses came from tops who expressed various ways they would inflict physical pain and are harm. I do not doubt this of any of them. I ask the question though is that the best course of action?

The physical response is a natural reaction but consider the circumstances. You are at a lifestyle party and while the person is absolutely out of line, they might call the police. Now what? There are layers to these issues and this is one of them. Can you risk having the police show up at a lifestyle event where people seek anonymity and the things we are doing are illegal?

The response of the bottoms were they would no longer feel safe, they might side eye their top who didn’t see this unfolding, they might lash out themselves.

The overall response from the group was this was some fucked up shit, which could have been avoided. I ask how?

One of the things we should know about life is that we cannot control the actions or words of other people.

How do we stop the people at a play party from interrupting a scene, or touching without consent.

The most truthful answer is you cannot. What can be done are a series of things which make it unlikely to happen. What can be done is have a plan in place to mitigate the damages.

So how do we do those things?

Inform is the first step. Yes, we should understand that you cannot touch something that does not belong to you. We must still assume that there are people out there who do not understand it, and inform them.

Monitor is the next step. Once the rules are established, we have to have muscle to make sure people follow the rules. That means security in the form of both security personnel and dungeon monitors. How many? Depends on the size of your event. My suggestion is if there is alcohol being served at your event? Take that number and double it. People are fucking stupid when they drink – in a general sense.

Your plan of response should include how to/when to remove a person from your event. You should have in place a PR response team. Not to make the event look better, but to go back to that first step….inform. People who have attended your event or might need to know that you take these things seriously, you value safety and the behavior is not welcome. This is not the time to live in the shadows but strut in the light.

As for the scenario? I was the girl who was touched.

I looked to the dominant I traveled with to say or do something. In his silence, I went full Nicole and was restrained. The event producer understood andI am still welcome at those parties. I’ve never seen that person who touched me again. I’ve altered how I engage and play so that I am less vulnerable. I choose who I play with based on people I’ve played with before, who I’ve known and trusted for years. I do things like write this blog and live this kink life as public as possible. It makes me a less attractive target for those with ill intention.

I learned that night that I can only rely on myself for my own protection. I also began to learn then that all who refer to themselves as Master aren’t. It is not as if it is something I didn’t “know” yet there was a more trusting version of me out there on the streets then who was much more willing to take people as they presented without peeking behind the curtain.

I’ve been toying with some ideas constant reader, about this role I have in this life. I have some ideas. Yes, I’ve had ideas before, and yes I will have ideas again. In this moment though I am less afraid to take that step of faith and act. All of my ideas may not manifest or fuck it even be good. I will have them though and that is progress on a superhero level.

The next installment of WWYD Do is about a week away. In the meantime I’d love your feedback on this extra long post 🙂

As with all things here it will be tweaked and refined. What it looks like in six months will be different than it looks today.

The skool portion of Vizionz is back to stay though.

Aphrodite Brown