I’m in Phase 2, Marvel Cinematic Universe fans should understand that reference.

Phase one was the introduction of the characters. These are the people you will get to know who will be present at the life altering event. You will meet them at various points of their journey and see how they become relevant. Each one has a special set of skills, each one has their own demons to battle while you battle yours. All of it comes from your POV though. Their POV will be different. At the end of Marvel’s Phase 1 the Avengers beat back the challenge of Loki and the Chitauri, there was victory. There were also costs, there is always a cost.

My phrase one is complete. The people along that path will tell their own story, share their own POV, or not. Not everyone I met at the beginning is still here. It is not that I didn’t need them, it is not that I did not want them. Whatever road this is, they are not meant to travel it with me. I’m not alone but most of this path has to be traveled without companion.

I used to think that I needed someone to believe in me until I could believe in myself. I can’t say that’s no longer true, but I will say that believing in myself is something that can’t wait. What needs to get done now can’t wait for external confirmation, it requires me taking that leap and landing. At times I will land on my feet, on my ass at others, at times my face. I will always land though, even if there are inexplicable things in this world, gravity is not one of them.

My view, or vizion is not the same this morning as it was yesterday. Shit I even found my voice this morning. I’ve been pretty quiet the past couple months.

I got confirmation of something though, that despite the narrative issued of my youth I am not a good liar. I remember being asked can’t I just fake it until something changes, and the answer to that is no. Of all the things that took in this process, authenticity still remains. While who I am still needs work, a lot of it if I am being truthful, there is a true north which I return to. That true north is good thing, I may not be all the way healed, but still having that center is a victory.

I have a LOT of victories to be grateful for, which I’ve ignored while mourning the losses. I woke this morning, sore and still processing things, but I woke up. I was even able to get out of the bed, that’s a whole other funny story. Yesterday was a little crazy. I got through it though. I’m on the other side, with lots of possibilities.

Today well this morning I have to get the equipment set up, I return to things Monday and I’ve got a lot to accomplish. What I know is that I can do it. I will get it done not perfectly, but its okay to let go of the concept of perfection.

I am both terrified and excited. I moved though. Forward.

Aphrodite Brown