When I decided that I wanted to come back to the land of kink, I didn’t know where to start. When I jumped in previously, I was looking to replace that which I’d lost. That never did happen, instead I found something else.

That something else was taken from me, and when I decided to take it back I was not precisely sure who/what I was. I knew I wanted to be around colored people. It’s how I found PBM. I fucks with them hard. I did something that I hadn’t done before and hosted a munch. That was a big deal for the me of then, I am a different me now but then it was a big deal. Even with both of those things, I wasn’t completely full. I was connected but not immersed.

Yesterday I attended 2 different events one specifically designed for the type of relationship structure I’ve historically sought out and thrived in. The second was a group of people who more closely resemble the me of now, who are more fluid, less traditionally structured. Through both of those it was a good day.

Last night was a night of Queer energy. I needed that. It was still a bit off though. The disconnect was the lack of melanin. My queers are amazing, but my POC queers are a whole other animal. I need more of that in my life and I needed to be able to see that so I now know what to seek. I thank the universe for that opportunity and lesson.

One of the perks of being in this new area is that the kink community is full. There are lots of events, lots of special interest groups, lots of lots. The kink that I seek can be found. The dungeon is 10 minutes away and I can put on a vest for a few hours and bathe in it. I also get to step into that person I saw myself as but never quite pulled the trigger on. I’ve worked to design workshops that I’ve shared with the ‘vanilla’ to introduce them to my world, and now its time to do this for my people. That which I have to share may not be for the ‘international’ platform but there is a space and audience so lets get it done.

My first Baltimore session is scheduled for next month and I am nervous as hell about it. It’s gonna be great though. I am great so its going to be great.

I wrote the other day about an event that ran into some issues. I am beyond happy to report that while adjusted and streamlined they still pulled it off. I know it was not the vizion they had, but I am proud they stayed focused and resolute and were able to create a moment instead of abandoning the event. What they attempted is hard. What they did deserves acknowledgement. It was an example of community coming together to make some lemonade out of the lemons they were given. PBM was a part of that, remember above when I said I fucks with them? That is one of the reasons why.

It may not be an event I am a part of if it continues but I would be wrong to not applaud their work. I’ve watched others raise the white flag when the road got rough, they did not. My hope for them is that they catalogue the lessons given to them for this year and if they decide to ride the horse again they saddle themselves with those lessons and ride better. I am rooting for you.

Aphrodite Brown