One of the perks of being a ‘veteran’ in the BDSM streets is that you get to see what’s old become new again. In my case its something that’s always been present that I am better able to explain, identify and lean into.

I’m unpacking a lot mentally this morning so I will try to distribute this in such a manner that you can stay with me.

When I was first sent to Fetlife by Newark a million years ago all the rage on the right side of the slash was being a slave. Slaves were envogue then. After a while those slaves became baby girls, then they became brats, the moniker of the moment appears to be primal. Some of us though have been there done that and gotten the t shirt.

I mean I am typing this with one hand, while fingering a lingering bite mark, sipping coffee from a Hello Kitty cup and preparing for my morning check in and inspection. I’ve been on this thing.

I’ve been me, and me for the most part is pretty cool.

I have to reflect some though because I am now in a place to navigate waters familiar to me but distant in their application.

And of course, its me so I am also considering how to weigh the next steps to do the least harm possible, and that begins with me.

August 4 is a thing. A real thing. Just as I know I am going to wake up tomorrow fat Black and Queer, he is a thing. His being a thing is not a problem, it is….putting choices in front of me that I don’t necessarily find attractive. It’s not something that I can’t change, I just ask myself if I want to.

A part of the attraction is the irresistible force vs the immovable object and watching the fun. Like last night.

I’m laying there under an elbow mentally going ouch and my vagina was leaking all over the place. Ho.

I play with my food. The Wolf doesn’t but I do. I had multiple moments yesterday where I looked and smiled and resisted doing the next thing. There aren’t questions there aside from where I am willing to take this thing. It’s irresponsible to take it someplace I am not willing to stay, and its equally attractive. Savage tendencies and all that. This being a responsible human being sucks at times. I got what I needed, even though that which I wanted got left on the table.

What I wanted…..

What I wanted……

The Lioness, the Wolf, The Panther.

There is also a vulture hovering around.

It is an interesting morning.

Aphrodite Brown