I have some new decisions to make. That’s cool. No seriously, its cool.

One of those things I used to fear that I don’t fear. I may not be excited, but that can come now that I’ve moved past fear.

I spent yesterday in quiet. That is needed at times. It’s not easy to get quiet all the time but yesterday qualified.

I can admit I got a little complacent. That’s traditional for me, and 20&19 is the year to break tradition.

Yesterday I examined that I’ve done a lot of moving the past few years. I don’t think that I’d seriously thought about that. Yesterday I did. The loss of Limekiln, Lexie’s, the shelter #1, the shelter #2, Manheim St, Pottstown, the Summer House, here. Since the incident I’ve not put down roots. It’s something I’ve avoided, perhaps unconsciously. Some of it was on purpose. I had a conversation with a friend yesterday and voiced out loud I am done with transient living, it is time to put down some roots. Putting down roots doesn’t mean that I am closed to change but I am ready to live again. I can do this.

I’ve worried if I can live, but I have proof that I can.

There was a six month plan, and I haven’t hit the marks I need for that plan to happen, that changes today. It hasn’t been a loss. I found my place and voice in this ‘community’. I have bonds. I needed that, for a very long time I resisted investing in people. What I have to do now is …..live.

August 4 has a saying, make today better than yesterday. He’s special.

I asked the universe for a sign yesterday and it manifested in a call from Tempest. What she presented to me was not the answer, but it redirected me to a dream I’d let go. I don’t have to let any of the dreams go, it’s okay that they were delayed. Should the new plan include California, the school that goes to that dream is about an hour away from the new home. The school is waaaay more expensive than the Philly alternative but if this is ‘destiny’ money doesn’t matter tonight like the Prince song.

I am going to be just fine.

I have questions not answered, and I do want to consider August 4 in these plans. What I am not prepared to do is not live while that plays out. Make no mistake, I want to be with him. I will do a lot to make that happen. I will do more than I thought I would. I will do more than I thought I could. What won’t happen is sitting still while that gets figured out. I am prepared to walk away from that possibility to make life happen.

I choose me.

Aphrodite Brown