For those of you new to the Vizion, Aphrodite Brown is the pen name I’ve used for 8 years.

When I began writing outside Vizionz and being published it occurred to me that I may want to segregate my ‘vanilla’ life from my kinky life. I asked Kahlil his thoughts and he picked the name. 99% of my work outside Vizionz is associated with that name. I am okay with letting the name go though because I don’t need her any longer.

This is not to say I won’t pull her out of retirement for a special project or two, it means I don’t have to put her skin on every day.

In a sense she became a mask, one which I wore when I wanted to be vulnerable. My current intentions are to discontinue the masks, with the exception of the one I was gifted New Year’s Day.

That one can stay, the rest have to go.

I’ve looked at being vulnerable and exposed as a liability not a strength. It’s how I walked this 3rd rock from the sun for decades. Even in my happiest moments in the past there were limits to how much I allowed myself to be exposed. The narrative in my head always told me that I would be hurt, and avoiding the pain was the priority.

That’s not my life today.

Shedding these layers is intimidating, and being exposed in this way is so unfamiliar. I have to say though, its also an amazing feeling. I can observe with childlike wonder at the world I’ve not seen before. This world is beautiful in ways I didn’t know were possible.

Aphrodite was a way to separate myself from the world. I could share what was happening, what I was experiencing, in my space without having to own it in a sense. Aphrodite could have all that fear, love, pain, joy and when those emotions became too much to manage I could tell myself that it was hers, not mine, and I could suppress them again. If you are not new to Vizionz, then you know there were times in the past decade I absolutely needed that. That decade is over and a new one is upon us and there are other tools in rotation to walk me through those moments. I’m going to fail at times while I learn how they work, but the bigger failure is to not use them.

I did a lot in December, and the results were I got to announce Infinity. The weird thing is, the path I am on may mean I have to retire Infinity as well. Okay not retire but re-vamp. I mean I chuckle at the vamping of a thing that hasn’t launched yet, but when the next thing drops in place for my life, my only option is to move Infinity from brick and mortar to digital.

Infinity will happen, and I will keep moving…..forward.

Vizionz from the Bottom will remain, although yes I would still like to see support from you Constant Reader.

What I am sure of though, is that the next 4 weeks are going to deliver something amazing. Nicole – that’s me 🙂 – is excited to being you along for that ride.