My therapist would tell you that I have trust issues. I do not. I’ve trusted that I was not able to do things others do. I’ve trusted that I was not worthy of being loved. I absolutely trusted the narratives which were previously presented to me. I don’t have trust issues.

Somewhere along this road in Charm City I began to trust in other things. It feels pretty good.

I am reminded of the car driving at night, and even if this skin doesn’t feel as natural as the skin I’ve historically worn, this is what I am wearing now so we are gonna rock with it. I mean, I’ve rocked with less so let’s watch what happens.

The car at night you ask? I heard it first from MM. She said it a few times, and I would like to think I held a poker face, but I know me better than that. Even if my face somehow remained neutral my eyes told the story. It did not make sense.

I’ve heard it again through the audio book. The example that when you drive at night on the road, you have to trust the road is there, even if you can’t see more than a couple hundred feet ahead of you. You keep driving because you ‘know’ the road is there. You may not be able to see what is in the road – deer in Pottstown for example – but you know the road is there so you drive. You trust that you will avoid the obstacles. You trust that when you put your foot on the gas the car will accelerate. You trust that the wheel will turn and the destination will be arrived. You don’t *not* drive.

This is one of those moments.

I forgot that for about 90 seconds yesterday.

I am on the road, headed towards a new experience. I am ready to go, I know this because I’ve started prepping for the experience. I went into the office yesterday prepared to accept the decision and move onto the ‘next step’ of the experience.

For about 90 seconds I forgot everything I’ve learned. Then I reached out to Daddy. He wasn’t there, physically but he was my first source. The universe did a lot in that moment. A lot.

The denial of him in that moment, brought me back to …..me. Brought me to the moment when I needed to inhale and exhale and remember all that I have learned.

Remind myself of what I’ve learned to be true.

Be grateful for what was able to be obtained.

To listen to the words given to me without solicitation, which showed me the path I was going to navigate.

To understand that the answer is not immediate gratification, because there are times when other things have to happen to deliver that which you’ve requested.

And I was brought back to one of the conversations before everything went ‘left’ and listening to her expound that she didn’t know what other things the universe needed to do to make that 1 thing happen and since she didn’t have that piece of the puzzle the answer was to wait. Patience.

I could even see her hands waving in the air in that moment.

The rest of the day was spent with the future team. Allowing them to SEE me. To understand who I am, what I deliver, and why this is going to be the new normal.

I got to embrace the vulnerability of having someone in my life who I could trust with the bag of cats that fight in my head known as Nicole thoughts, and bless all of him he didn’t even flinch.

Then we got to put other plans into place, and I embraced that the universe said ‘I got you’.

Yesterday was a lesson for lots of reasons, and growth in ways I needed to grow.

The news and announcements aren’t denied, they are coming, but they are coming in the time that they need to come for what I’ve requested. That vizion is still clear, and I am on the road. I am driving. Well…..perhaps I am in the passenger seat on occasion but I am moving. Forward.