I went to a ‘self improvement’ workshop last weekend.

It wasn’t something I would normally seek out on my own. It’s not that I couldn’t use some improvement, its that I have a general skepticism about these types of things. The whole pay some stranger who isn’t trained in the mechanics of human dysfunction thousands of dollars to fix that which is broken and hope that you can function emotionally and financially after is not my speedo.

I am a fan of the traditional, the find a college educated therapist and work through your shit type of girl.

I still found myself in West Nowhere Pennsylvania, in a cheapish hotel with 114 strangers.

It began a couple months ago, I was minding my own business on a Sunday afternoon contemplating my life. The phone rang and it was Tempest. We’ve healed some things, others we haven’t tackled, but we are speaking in transparent ways these days.

She was on a break from level two of this program. She was calling me to explain to me I needed this training. If you know Tempest and me, you understand our default is always to be 180 degrees in our approach to life. We are similar in our inner selves but how we address things…180 degrees.

Her pitch was that I needed this. My response was if you think I need this, obviously I don’t. She was persistent. She was focused. I agreed to try it, 2019 was the year to do something different. I just didn’t have the tuition at the moment. She insisted that I had to do it that day because the price would go up. I gave her my word, and thought that would be enough. It wasn’t. She found the solution, ask Daddy to pay. My no was ignored and she made the call.

The history of the 3 of us is complicated, that’s something to be addressed at a different time.

The call itself was interesting. The details aren’t as important as the outcome, he did it. Because he did it, I was in Exton, PA on a January weekend.

While I have a fair amount of distrust for things like this, I kept an open mind. I carried 2019’s lessons into 2020, understanding that the opportunities to learn, explore, expand are all about me and to say no when in the moment could be the no to my breakthrough. I resisted researching the event while waiting to attend. I did not want to color my experience with facts lol.

What I learned?

I learned that I got what they were selling for ‘free’ in June and July. The breakthrough had already happened for me. I learned I cannot watch others in pain and not try to mitigate that pain. I won’t always succeed, but I can put aside my personal bias, my own shit, and be there for others. I learned that being vulnerable doesn’t have to hurt. I also found myself with some questions. The answers to the questions are still being formulated. I learned that programs like this one aren’t designed for personal breakthroughs. They are are designed to siphon money, they are designed to convince the participants to be indentured servants and free labor. They are deceptive in their execution.

What I want to see?

In the days after the event I did the Google I resisted prior. Turns out my program was nothing new under the sun. It was first labeled as Lifespring in the 80’s and went bankrupt. The concept is sound, there should be a way to enlighten others to have the emotional intelligence to move onto their next steps. There has to be an ethical way to make that happen. Next Level Trainings is not it. For a nano second I saw myself walking into the Phoenix version Live4YouTrainings and whipping that organization into shape, I had dreams of Phoenix last weekend.

Turns out the domain name for the Phoenix version is up for grabs, a testament to the wonderful part of humanity that I am beginning to appreciate that isn’t without soul or hope. I keep visiting that domain name sight and there is a vizion, I am just not sure it is one I can implement. [Editor’s Note – they’ve since reacquainted the domain name my answer rests there]

How that changes things?

I’m on a path, which is not well traveled for this girl. It’s exciting though.