I recall a conversation with Mirror Girl, where she expressed that she didn’t want Daddy.

Blank stare.

It’s going to always be a thing, at least until it’s not a thing. It’s weird in a sense, but as he said if you think too long about it all this shit is insane, unconventional at best. It took long to locate the exchange, I just re-read it. She said he would need to be vulnerable, and I am reminded that their connection is significantly different than my connection with him.

Our recent conversations are nothing but vulnerable. I see him. He sees me.

I wanted to be seen. I wanted to be desired, craved, respected.

I can’t say that I expected all that which has arrived, I am thankful for them though.

I had to take time and process our shares.

In him I am in a sense reliving 2011 except with someone I can trust this time. That is scary as shit. I recall the pain which came with that time, and I recall what it almost cost me. I also recall throwing caution to the wind and doing take ## 4.

Lots of this is similar on the surface but underneath its a whole new world.

I can trust that this man is who he says he is, the same way one always does. Believe that which is displayed to you. Historically I saw it and hoped for better. Now I have better and I am clinging to that in a way which frightens me. Should I be afraid? Who knows.

Fear be damned I am doing it anyway. I took a step. Seems like a tiny step but it is not.

I’ve put myself in the position to ‘heal’ wounds, both mine and his while also understanding on the other end of that healing might just be the thing which breaks me. Says the girl who can’t be broken.

It’s complicated. It’s also wonderful and amazing and I wouldn’t change a thing. Except for shipment of items.