I didn’t mean to let things go for 2 weeks but it happened. Life happens. Things happen.

I’ve had some movement over the weeks, that is the one cool thing about my life these days, nothing is static. Even if I want to slow shit down in some places, and speed things up in some places nothing is static.

I haven’t spoken a lot about the 9-5, it’s one of those things that the Andrea situation taught me. I can no longer put all of the me in one basket. It’s been tough. I came thisclose to relocating to run a segment of the Phoenix, AZ office. I didn’t get the job obviously, then they put me on the team with the woman they chose instead of me. Then it got super weird, they refused to promote me. There are 3 levels of my position between where I was and the job I didn’t get. One would think that being the runner up to the leadership position would result in at least one level promotion, but NOPE.

Anyway, I am transferring to a new department in a week. The relief there….is immeasurable. First off I was putting unnecessary pressure on myself. I kept trying to live up to an unattainable standard. I know better but still I was doing it anyway. I almost quit more than once. That’s how you know it was bad, I was willing to quit a full time job, where I work from home, in the middle of a pandemic. Through it all the Daddy person was there.

I worried about the stress it was bringing us. I knew it had to change and I worked to make it change. I have more work to do though, because the answer to the question I wasn’t willing to ask was dropped onto my lap last night. It’s not a bad thing, it is the place I want to be. I just felt the weight of it yesterday and I felt some kind of way.

I mean my target audience is there, my future is there, there is there. I keep thinking now, but the answer is not now. I have the answer, I have the path, I have the support. It makes me want to expedite this but I can’t. What I have to recall is that waiting for me will manifest and it’s okay to wait because I don’t know the plan the universe has for me and what needs to happen.

It’s been almost a year and I am feeling the weight of that as well. I didn’t walk into this relationship knowing it would be almost a year. I still don’t know for sure that I would have if I had a crystal ball and could see it was a year. I am in this relationship though.

It’s still a good time though. Forward.

45 has COVID. I’ve lost a year with the man that I love because of this asshole’s incompetence and now he has it. I don’t know that I want him to die, but I am not cheering for his recovery. Over 200,000 people are dead because of this man’s actions. There is no win here – at all.

We are 30 days away from the Presidential election and I fucked up my mail ballot.

I need a replacement.

And now…I am going to go to sleep. I have a lot to process and fix and plan and what I need the most right now is rest.

I should be getting my hysterectomy date next week, and it is not a moment too soon since my PAP came back abnormal.