The fibers from the green sweater are still in view, the coffee is steaming. I type accompanied by the sounds of the little one snoring softly, well perhaps not softly.

Bold

That is what I want to be today.

Calm

Focused

I don’t know if any of that will manifest but a weight is lifted.

Tomorrow makes 49 and the question in my head this morning is who are you Nicole? I am sure we will tackle some of that in therapy, and the tears will flow, but the flowing of the tears is not my fear today.

Boxes sit unopened as I promised the little one I would wait. Is that ……joy sneaking into my existence? I don’t know but I will roll with it.

6.6 weeks is what is available to me, which takes me beyond the November 9 date. I have to finalize the engagement then it’s wait and see.

I trust the universe to take care of me, and I trust that what I share will make sense. I ask myself if this is truly the way that I should walk, and I respond yes.

It is time to close the chapter it is time to move along it is time to risk.

I also asked myself if the plan in my head is true to that which I promised. I re-read an older post one which said protect the property, and I am the property so the answer there is yes.

My brain screams it is a lie! My logic screams back it is necessary.

I will let go of the questions and resentment. I will move forward with hope and daydreams.

There will be another table, another view, and we will continue this conversation from there.