The days seem to be racing to November 1. Well, Halloween and the first. I suspect that they will slow to a negative pace as November 9 approaches. Speed up to revisit the hardest 48 hours of my life, slow down to see if I can finally put an end date on the current employer.
I will get through this, you know I will and I know that I will yet it doesn’t alter that which I have to manage in the next days. I packed up the equipment and when I sat up this morning to see that empty desk my entire body felt relaxed and I was able to peacefully go back to sleep. I don’t know if I can recall the last time that happened. There are still tons of things I will have to juggle and balance and make work but we all know I can do this.
In No Cal it is raining. I am thankful for that because it will slow the fires and since I plan on rolling out there soon, fewer fires are good. I recall telling the Daddy person my former declaration that I would not move to a state where I had to factor in nature trying to kill me along with all the other crap you encounter as a Black Queer woman. You’d think by now I’d stop saying these absolutes.
One thing I noticed last night was that my libido seems to be returning. In the abstract that is not a bad thing. In the reality of me, I’ve promised someone 3000 miles away my faithfulness. I survive a lot of that distance and time by turning it off. The absence of that which was harming me has awakened my vagina and we all know what a greedy chick she is. Sigh.
I dislike that 2021 comes down to one day in a sense, but it is what it is and will play out as it should.
I’ve listened to music for most of today, which is a sign that the grey is lifting. Monday I have a long outside day planned. It will be fine, despite the shaking of my hands as I type this because of the anxiety. I have to reclaim my life though and this is the path to it in the moment.
I have pink packing peanuts though. That is kinda cool.