Ain’t no party like an Aphrodite party.
[Editor’s Note – this post was constructed in 2017. The initial segment was drafted on the night of the events. The subsequent commentary is my memory of the events 4 years later]
One of the things I still have to work on is seeing myself through the eyes of others. Mind you, there are a handful of people out here on the streets who ‘see’ me as ugly but I don’t mean those eyes.
I mean the eyes who see me like the people I spent the night with last night.
Yesterday I went to work. Going to the new gig is not going to increasaae my brain activity, and it is not going to split the atom. The people I work with I am still feeling out. 90% of them aren’t gonna make it to the life story. Only a couple will end up there and that is because something will happen that will being out the Nicole and that will be newsworthy.
The good thing about my Saturday is that I don’t have to be there until 1230. The bad thing is that if the last 2 Saturdays are any indication, I am gonna struggle to not get into trouble because I am so bored. I say trouble but I mean Andre, the IT man.
After work I went to the 1 year anniversary of the Philly Black Munch. Philly Black Munch is a group of kinky POC people who gather once a month for fellowship. In November of 2016 it began and sadly this was the first time I got to attend the munch. While working @ Greyhound there was never a munch day I wasn’t required to be on the clock. New gig gives me the chance to have a life.
1 year anniversary was karaoke.
My anxiety was off the charts.
Even though I am piling up a lot of little victories the anxiety never goes away. It gets managed with therapy and medication, but right now all I have is the lessons I’ve learned to manage. Yes I am going to get that together, but today….I’m all I got.
I figured I would walk through the old hangout since my destination was right across the street. I wanted to just say hi to one of my old employees, I instead found her absent and a series of people who I didn’t want to avoid but wasn’t thrilled to see. Until I hit the platform, on the platform I was back in my element. My old drivers descended on me with appreciation. That felt good, to be appreciated and missed. It also helped me to walk across that street and be not anxious me, but that other me which people often see and I do not.
***
This turned into a very interesting night one I did not expect. The humorous thing about this is that the men involved are not even people that I talk to any more. The woman other than me and I have gone through a lot of twists and turns and while we are at a peaceful moment in our connection that is subject to change.
Karaoke cost me more money than I planned. It was entertaining though.
There was the decision to head back to to the apartment with a couple of guests, which in hindsight I am not really sure why I did it because at the time I didn’t have living room furniture. Storm was drunk and I watched her eat her first vagina – not mine. I had to leave to get her boyfriend at the time, I had sex with JJ Abrams that night. JJ Abrams also tried to have sex with Storm, because the condom was already open. Yes I said this correctly. He walked into the room and asked if she wanted to have sex because after all the condom was already open. JJ was not one of my shining moments.
Coming out of that night I would not have the chance for sex with the Savior again, and that is not a loss.
Coming out of that night Storm blamed me for her activity, because I can be overwhelming and my behavior means that everyone around me is expected to have the same behavior. I mean….whatever if that is what helps her sleep at night.
I never did get living room furniture in that apartment. I don’t regret that night, but I do not chart it as a highlight.
Shortly after that night things would start to fall apart at that location and the Pottstown segment of the story began.
What’s important to note here, at least for me was that I ended medication about this time and I worked through until Labor Day this year.