Today is November 10, my best friend’s birthday. Happy Birthday Bestie. I talked to her last night as I stood in a Starbucks parking lot waiting for my ride. Yes I was outside.

I went to bed last night smiling. Yes I still woke up at 3 but I was back to sleep within a half hour. I woke this morning smiling. I type with coffee checking the clock to make sure that I don’t go time blind, I have to go back outside again today. I am cool with it.

For the past 3.5 years I’ve worked at a company which was toxic. It took me a while to realize how bad it was, but I stayed. When I hear stories of why people stayed I don’t question them. We all have our own shit and it often makes sense at the time. I’ve stayed in employment and relationships longer than some others would and not as long as others. I also have my own shit.

At first I stayed because I thought they would get me to Phoenix. I don’t want to live in Phoenix, but it was a part of a plan to be with the man I love. They shit allllll over that plan, and in hindsight that is not a bad thing because it got me to this point. In the throes of it, hurt like a motherfucker. Then I stayed because COVID. I woke this morning officially separated. It feels good. It feels better than good, but I want to roll on from this point.

When it was clear that the employer was not going to do right by me I started building a case, and I took that case to the EEOC. We had a mediation yesterday and reached settlement. I can’t disclose details because confidentiality agreements but I feel vindicated. While I won’t hit one of my goals, changing the company from the inside, I hit a different one – holding the company accountable for it’s behavior. I didn’t get the financial money I initially requested. I do get the victory though, and I needed a win badly.

When the check clears, I will be able to move. Finally.

Lots still has to happen, but in 2022 I will be near my little one and the Daddy.

It also means I have to leave the relationship I just formed here in Philly. I am okay with that in a sense and not in a sense but the die is cast and what must be done is what must.

I have hope, and while there is a part of me that says hope is a lie, I have it still. The work I put in this year to make yesterday happen took a toll. A heavy toll that I wasn’t fully aware of until I was in the middle of it but I punched my way out and on the other side of the grey is sunshine.

Tomorrow I can worry about planning and what might go wrong.

Today I can exhale and know that I am all that I thought I was and I am free of the employer.

Today I can come home after my trip to rest in my own bed and rest as a woman with nothing but possibilities ahead of her.

That is a very good thing.