Dec 7

If you looked at my phone I have lots of memos and notes commemorating dates more of them are positive than negative. Today won’t get it’s own entry but it is important non the less.

Within my sight line is a plain white envelope. Inconspicuous, partially ripped but terribly important to me. Within that envelope is my proverbial ticket west. It holds everything that I need to plan the trip, sign the lease, and travel.

I realized today that while I kept telling myself there wasn’t a need to wait beyond Friday there is one unresolved issue. I haven’t yet gotten my unemployment. Seems petty when I think of the white envelope but it is not at all. I lost sleep, gained grey hairs. diminished myself for that unemployment and I will get it. That weekly payment is a reminder of the last 12 months and all I’ve endured and if I have my way I will get all 26 weeks. Now in reality I won’t because I will be working soon after my arrival but believe that I will stay out as long as fiscally possible. That is the least that is owed to me after my time with the former employer and they don’t get off the hook.

I take that envelope out tomorrow and set the next set of plans in motion. I haven’t thought much about what to do past Wednesday.

I put myself on a self imposed time out from house hunting and job hunting. I was going to drive myself mad and I needed this envelope. So I promised myself I would not actively search for those things and just take a couple days and breathe. I might take one more day too.

The Commonwealth being slow as fuck is making sure that I am not rushing to get this done and in a way it is appreciated. Just because I can technically leave Friday doesn’t mean that is the best course of action. A couple more weeks in the context of the last 2 years is not much.

Before I went out to get the envelope I was here at the table talking to the Daddy person and thankful for his insight into things. Sure I know he has a vested interest into buying himself a few more days, but he also is determined that I am properly set up.

He scouted 2 locations for me. He’s given is word on something else that I might need, and I do not doubt his word.

He’s excited but the funny thing is that what excitement looks like for him is different than what most would think. I am the demonstrative one he is the reserved one.

I fell in online love with one of the locations he scouted, and it was the one he liked the most as well. In my head I’ve already turned the 2bd bedroom into an office and installed a grill in the backyard. I’ve decorated the living room and put a 2 seater on the back deck. The larger bedroom has a sliding door which opens to that deck and I am barefoot sipping coffee and listening to Kimberley Locke. I can already see him pulling into the driveway and the day worker I hired to put yellow and purple flowers along the walkway. We might even have a dog.

I also inherently know that that particular residence is unlikely to be “HOME” but I could absolutely see myself there. By the time I resume house hunting that listing will likely be gone and I will have to send him out on another scouting mission. He’s willing to do it and he has the time currently so again thanks is to be given.

While that house is an ideal, I am open to all the possibilities. After all it doesn’t have a washer/dryer or a dishwasher.

I think I have 3 total moves left.

This is the first of those so it need not be ‘perfect’.

The second could be transitioning to where he is once M is gone. While I know he hopes they survive I am less optimistic.

The 3rd one we haven’t spoken of but at some point we will need more space. In my fantasy and day dreams our final is a build, with a guest house for the grandkids and a view of the water.

Today though? I am looking at the white envelope an smiling. I did it.

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