In the moment I am calm but what this past week has shown me is that is subject to change in a whim. The good thing is that I change back quickly but that shift can be scary. One moment smiling at the prospects and the next moment nightmares of Christmas past. I am not sure what or how to change that. I am just thankful that I am no longer staying in just one spot. I might have finally obtained the fluidity that I’ve always craved.

Therapy was rough yesterday. MP is cool, awesome almost. I chuckle that she would have been the last possible person I would chose in a line up, but the universe doesn’t make mistakes. She reminded me of something I’ve left out there undone.

I’ve mostly chosen the occupations I’ve worked for need. I look at the landscape, I decide what I can do, I go do it. I’ve only chosen one occupation by choice. I haven’t made new progress there lately and that is deliberate. I tell myself that I am waiting for the move, but the reality is that I am waiting for something else.

There is no reason why in my current downtime I am not working the business. Except there is the biggest reason of all, fear. When I picked this I wanted to do something ethical, to provide the service others do for profit and give it to people for progress. I understand the perils, and wish to not make people worse. Since that is how I operate I worry about expanding, yet the end game the overall, the build on the hill requires expansion.

I was reminded though through therapy that I need at least one more fundamental. So it’s time to explore that now before the chaos of the move. In the moment all is well. In the moment. The moment is all there is and as I type this I remind myself to stay in the moment. It is harder than it looks.