No writing group this week. I have a couple entries that I have not transcribed. I will get to it eventually I think, yet who knows what will actually occur. Today I am thinking about opposites. There is a ‘romantic’ saying that opposites attract. I can’t say that is the case for me, or that it ever has been. While I get that it might work for some, I’ve always sought the similar vs the opposite.

I need the person I am with to look like me, to share my vizion, to balance me. Wouldn’t an opposite balance you one might ask? For me the answer is no. An opposite would drain all of my energy. I think life as a Queer fat Black woman is hard enough, and the relationship is where I should find my balance and peace not where I deplete what little the world has left for me.

When I look back, as I have done a lot the last few days based on those questions from the background check, no one has balanced me in the way the Daddy does. Another name popped into my head this morning, Newark.

Once upon a time I figured he and I would end up together. It wasn’t that I was seeking a lifetime relationship with my one night stand from MySpace, it was that he and I were so similar in both our opposition to commitment and our desire not to be old alone. On paper those 2 things don’t seem to add up but if you knew us you’d understand better.

Even with Newark though, there was always a hole. Well, not that kind of hole, but one where I felt like I was desperate to demonstrate to him I was worthy of love and commitment.

I can say without question that is not what I have now. If all the details were laid out here, one might think I was kinda crazy. This works though in a way I did not think was possible for me. There is no opposition. I like that.