Let us hope for good prompts!!

On your deathbed family and friends visit you to have you spill a few pearls of wisdom to them about life. What do you say:

I suppose my first reaction is who is there with me at the end? I don’t consider myself as one with many friends and what is defined as family to others I would most likely get up from my deathbed to try to fight them. So who is there? I’d like to say Daddy and the little one but I cannot say that with specificity. Would I die alone?

That’s been a pretty big ‘fear’ of mine through life, dying alone. When I stop to consider it turns out that it is pretty silly as a fear. I can’t take anyone with me so I will go alone. The underlying fear is more when the time arrives, have I lived a full life and am I at peace with letting go? Today? Unlikely. I do think I am moving the needle in the right direction. Even if I don’t so anything else it doesn’t change the fact that my time is my time so why the angst? I don’t have to be at peace and it will still happen.

I don’t like to be reminded of my mortality especially with so much left to be done. This is not even ‘for the people’ this is for me as well. What would I say? Live love laugh and repeat until you can no longer. I’d thank you for making the back half better than the front, and hope for reincarnation…maybe.

FREE WRITE

I get why the concept of mortality is maddening. Knowing you are growing up to die sucks. You tell yourself that your memory lives on, if you’ve been fortunate enough to make an impact someone will remember you. Do we though?

The short answer is yes. The bigger reality is many of us do not outside our immediate group. A husband/father leaves a family to bury him and mourn. A teacher leaves a vacancy which will be filled eventually. As mayor leaves a political legacy and some PAC money. Nicole:

I leave a child who is now a man who can survive without me. A mate who rarely allows himself the space for a full range of emotions. A little one who will ask what more she could have done, and bereft of cuddles. Friends and associates who when they learn of my passing will share a funny moment, but who will learn to not expect me back and move on.

NON friends who will whisper…or shout…every flaw to every corner.

In a day, or a month or a year my absence will be felt less. My energy absorbed and recycled. Yeah that is sort of depressing. If I write a book someone will read it. The YouTube channel will exist as long as the Internet.

[– quick hit VPD background how do I answer questions ….explore this! {i did not} I am finally stir crazy which might not be the best, my mouth can get slick and I am in slapping distance]

WHAT SHOULD NOT BE FORGOTTEN

About me?? About life?

Life is fleeting and lots of it you will not recall be it Alzheimer’s or just regular old time.

You won’t remember the mundane only the fantastical so locate what you find fantastic and swim in it. About me?

I was once innocent. Then I was not. I endured, I survived then I eventually learned to LIVE.

I’ve mostly sought love and I eventually realized it was all around me. I was simply trained to ignore it.

I was imperfect. Through that imperfection, I learned. I waited to long to live my dreams and would have done it sooner. By the time my end arrives I will have attempted to correct that and succeeded. Nicole was here.

Eventually those who felt my presence will no longer walk this earth but I was here.

I do believe that someone out there will ask WWND? but I do not change the rotation of the planet or the tides of the moon. I am just one of the billions before me and after me making my immediate surroundings fitting for me.

Should there be more? I can’t answer that. I can only do the next steps. Nicole was here though, she lived and she loved.

Shit she might even pull out a yoga mat today {she did not}

But if she does not that is okay too.

Nicole needs more furniture.