It took a decade to write one thousand posts. Well, I am sure I have more than that so let’s say it took a decade to publish 1000 posts.

I was sure that I would have something special for #1000 and I still might but at the moment, nothing is here.

There is lots and lots to talk about, but only some of that can be done here.

I will share a lesson I’ve learned though for those who still visit hoping I will have some insight on how to be in a relationship. Before I give it though I have to ask why you might come here for that. I am not an expert. I play one on TV and I stayed in a Holiday Inn back in January but listening to me explain how to get and keep your partner is like asking the KKK to teach you how to love a Black person.

It’s not that the relationship I have right now isn’t quite good, it’s that how I got here was doing everything that is the opposite of what comes ‘naturally’ for me, so my only advice would be don’t be me.

To the lesson!

When you are choosing to disclose details of your relationship to your friends, mix the happy with the shit.

I don’t share a lot of relationship details with friends. I learned that lesson with Kahlil. My friends rarely got to see the happy me, they got the how have I loved this man for all my adult life me. Carla came the closest. She saw the 2 of us together and how he made me happy. She saw how he interacted with Clyde. That’s only because she’s been around so long though. Everyone else got the – he ghosted me again – guess what this nigga pulled this week – if his ex calls me one more time version of my relationship.

Turns out when you only share the unhappy, those who love you will begin to dislike your partner. So when you break up and get back together again [and again and again and again], they don’t like the motherfucker and they start to think you might not be all there.

All they have as a point of reference is that the person they love is in pain, that other person is causing the pain, fuck the other person.

That isn’t really fair. No relationship is without it’s hills and valleys. Not even my current one.

As good as it gets, there are moments when I want to throw hands…and possibly some elbows. RIP Razor Ramon.

I don’t ever want to hit him though, I have considered hitting the other person. It remains to be seen if that might still occur. I am unlikely to, but this North Philly girl is ready to rumble if needed. Ask about me.

I realized today that I am in that spot where I am a safe place for him to vent, yet because I am that safe place I am mostly getting the ugly. The good and the bad he doesn’t really share.

I am evolved enough to know there is good and bad, not just ugly. This allows me to extend grace I might not otherwise. I am at the end of my grace cup though, and that is what got me thinking about sharing.

If I only listened to the vent sessions, I would have driven to her place non stop once I left Nevada and it would have been on sight.

Well…if I only processed what I heard in the vent sessions that should read.

I know better though. You don’t remain in a relationship, being him, for as long as he has without there being good. Not just first year good but also recent good. I am not clueless.

That doesn’t stop me from wanting to sling shot suplex her on occasion when something happens that is not what I think he deserves.

So what I am going to have to figure out is how to be the ear and comfort he needs, while also looking at the big picture. On a day like Sunday it’s hard. On a day that ends in Y it’s hard.

Even if I didn’t know anything else? I know what it is like to try to navigate the complexity of him, and how that shit is not easy. I might make it look easy but it isn’t always.

I also have the advantage of knowing exactly what I was walking into, not having to adjust mid-stream.

I know this V is going to be around for quite some time, and I can’t be more angry at her than he is.

So take the lesson: if you are going to bitch about your partner, tell some good stuff too so that those who love you won’t catch a case.

Me? I’m going to break it down into a respectable lesson plan and serve it. He usually likes what I put on the table so I hope that streak continues.