I just realized it’s been a moment. I also just realized that I was busy….living. What a concept.

The little one is currently asleep while I sit here at the table and type sipping coffee. This is what I wanted, a home. The current gig gives me a 3 day weekend twice a month. We made the plan that she would visit me here during the current one and I can’t think of anything I needed more.

We kicked off our adventures Thursday night with my first karaoke here in the new city. Dinner at a cool Italian restaurant, great drinks, then singing until almost 1. The location was awesome. The DJ left a little to be desired but I made my own experience and what an experience. I even got the little one to sing so WIN. Friday we went shopping. It’s rarely a good idea to have 2 littles out on the street unsupervised, but we were mostly responsible. I wanted her to branch out a little, take a few chances. She took my advice and in that process I got to experience her joy. What joy it was too. You really have to be around her to understand it, she is walking happiness. She’s walking happiness and infectious happiness.

We went to the local carnival Friday night, and even the patrons of the carnival caught her vibes.

We were supposed to get pedicures yesterday, but instead we ended up coming back home and hanging out in onesies and just talking and laughing. I have proof of just how wonderful and energetic and joyous she is but the details of that I will keep to myself. It is amazing though, seriously. The only thing missing was more time with the Daddy person, but I’m not upset that it was a big and little weekend.

It’s Sunday and now we have to mentally prepare ourselves for a return to the regular. I get to make her dinner today though. I also took a step that I didn’t realize I was going to do, yet it was the most natural thing ever, I gave her a key.

If you know me, I don’t toss out keys willy nilly. It’s also rooted in some trauma like many things about me, but I was happy to give her a key. Now there are 2 of those things out there, and I am not having anxiety about it.

The 2 people I love have the ability to enter the space I am creating for us without restriction and that makes me pretty content.

I gave myself permission to not freak out that I wasn’t mopping the floor every day, and that coats weren’t hung up on the hooks. I exhaled at the counter that wasn’t clear and smiled instead of cringed that the bed didn’t get made. I’d allowed myself to forget that a home which is lived in, a home that has love within it, is not a showcase. While I am sure Monday after work I will do all of the things, today? I will relax with the little one and not fret.

If I have a regret it’s that I haven’t gotten the patio completed yet so there was no outside ‘room’ for us, but that isn’t a regret really.

This weekend was me, living life, loving those who love me.

It wasn’t perfect but it was pretty fucking good and this is the point where as the saying goes you don’t let the good be in the way of the perfect or something like that.