Enough.

I am reading a book about understanding you are enough. It brings up childhood trauma, and learned reactions. Fight Flight Fawn.

I still ask myself from time to time if I am enough. These days I don’t dwell long on that voice but it hasn’t faded.

I had an amazing family weekend. Yes I am calling them family weekends now. There is a voice out there in the brain that is screaming at what family is, and what it looked like the last time I walked this path. There is an equally loud voice saying this is different. It can cause headaches.

I have to clean the fridge today, but mostly I can be quiet while I think about the next steps. I don’t always like to be alone with my thoughts in moments like this but at times it can’t be helped. The little one is at work. The Daddy is doing his Daddy thing.

Me?

I got to be that version of me I love this weekend. I also got to be the version of me that I don’t like as much.

He – the Daddy – uses the word entitlement a lot and I spend a lot of time evaluating my entitlement.

There is going to be a lot of private journaling this week.

I no longer have the key. Everything else is on hold. The clock is ticking