The thing about living your life out loud is that there are people who will watch. These days the people who are watching me are the same people I am trying to shield myself from and that is a pickle.

I filed for restraining orders against both Karl and Melissa. Yes this is a deviation from my standard code names. I need to deviate from that for my protection. I am alone here.

His legal name is Karl E Morris.

I met him at a restaurant called Cavanaugh’s in about 2009. It was at a kinky meet up called a munch. He was there to meet a friend of mine at the time, Waffles. She’d caught his eye and she was single and looking. She invited me to the munch just in case he turned out to be on the crazy side. When I met him the chemistry was on a level I’d experienced only once before, with The Man. I fell back though because he was not there for me, I was not there for him, and well I was still hung up on The Man.

We became Fetlife friends and would chat from time to time. I was always drawn to him, and I felt it dangerous. There was something about him which drew and compelled me, and I understood that too much time in his presence would put my ability to remain loyal to The Man in jeopardy. That was not acceptable to me so I kept my distance. I would reach out from time to time, as would he. We’d talk about the mundane to keep from talking about what could actually happen.

In 2013 one of those random hey there how are you moments revealed that his partner, Melissa Jacobson was moving to the West Coast. He planned to join her. He would be leaving in a few months. I was single at the moment, he was 3000 miles away from Melissa and we began a sexual relationship. It only lasted a couple months because of his relocation but it was intense.

After he moved to Vallejo, we still remained in touch. At the core of it all, I believed that we had a friendship and the sexual chemistry, the compulsion was just sprinkles on the ice cream of it all. We would chat from time to time, and it was in those chats that he first said he loved me. I didn’t respond to that, I could not. The idea that I might love him back was not something I considered in 2014, and the distance was to me at the time insurmountable.

While we’d stayed in contact, and our conversations were often sexual in nature, we didn’t push our connection. In 2018 he let me know that he would be in town, our mutual home town, Philadelphia. We agreed to meet. He attended the munch I ran at the time Philly Speak and Sing. I ended up spending the weekend with him. Our reconnection was intense and we commiserated over the fact that we could not continue our connection because of the distance with us.
In 2019 as is documented here I went through a seismic shift, moving from Pottstown to Baltimore. In the moments I was alone on Payson St, I began to contemplate what living looked like for me. I understood that I wanted to re-enter a kink community and relationship. I was slowly wetting my feet in the Baltimore Kink community, and that exposure made me crave being in a relationship again.

If you aren’t new here, then you understand the hesitancy that I had thinking about giving myself to someone again. I put a lot of meditation into it, the thought, the process. I even wrote out a list of the things I wanted to see and experience. I’d written out everything I desired in the effort to manifest it. Days later, out of the blue, I got a message from Karl. He was thinking about me.

We spoke all that summer. He confessed things about his relationship with Melissa that he had not shared with anyone else. Our connection grew deeper that summer, and he felt like the person I’d been looking for. In August of 2019, I asked him if he would consider being in a relationship with me.

I asked for a specific type of relationship, Master/slave. I won’t get into all of the details of what that is, that would make this long post even longer.

The details of the relationship were simple, he would own me. My obedience was the foundation of the relationship we eventually created.

He did not say yes right away. We continued to talk, connect. In September he told me that he would be coming East again. We made plans to meet on my birthday weekend. I traveled up to Philly and we spent another weekend together. This one was even better than the last. We didn’t much discuss my offer in that weekend instead we just spent time. Fucking and talking.

In the days after when I returned to Baltimore I got cold feet and even typed out an email to him, saying it was not a good idea for us to connect, or create a relationship. The Universe got jokes though, because that email was never sent to him. To this day he’s never read it.

Instead of him getting an email saying never mind, our conversations continued. We explored a lot of things in that month, asked a lot of questions of each other. We went over multiple scenarios and possibilities. In those 30 or so days we went over so many theories and possibilities. On November 25, 2019 he said yes, and we began our relationship.

It was challenging to me at first, I suspect that it was also challenging for him. We both were not fans of long distance relationships, but we both felt that distance was the least of the things which could sabotage us.

In January of 2020, he decided that we would maintain our relationship with him traveling to the East Coast every other month. We hadn’t worked out the details, he wanted to complete a trip to Italy with Melissa first, but upon his return he would give me all of the details.

What neither of us could predict was COVID 19.

We kept in daily contact, over the phone and through messaging apps. He was going to plan his first trip around the imminent birth of his second grandchild in March. That trip never happened, COVID essentially shut the world down.

We still stayed in daily contact. I thought the foundation we were building was only going to make us stronger, unbreakable. We spoke of our future, and in the summer of 2020, amid the turmoil of racial unrest in the US, we agreed that proximity was required for us to continue our relationship. I am sure that I mentioned it first, but the nature of my relationship with Karl was that no decisions were ever made without first getting his permission. While yes, I spoke first about moving West, the actual execution of that plan could not happen without his permission. I surrendered to this man all of my authority. He had final say on every aspect of my life including employment and medical decisions.

In the winter of 2020, we began to explore in earnest how to move me West.

He was clear that I needed to finance my own relocation. I was not happy about that. Karl has the financial resources to do many things, one of those was facilitating my move. He refused to do it though. His logic and explanation were, if I financed the move, he would assist with supporting me once I got here.

2021 arrived and we were still bicoastal. Our relationship expanded with group Zooms with other kinky Black people. He appeared in them as Master to me, and claimed he as his property. He assisted and supported me in launching my coaching business. He was there every day, with emotional support. He was there everyday to demand sexual presentations. He was there every day, telling me that he was preparing Melissa for a change in their existence. That he would explain to her that I was his slave, that I was a part of his life, and that she would accept that.

There was never the plan for the 3 of us to live together as a unit. The relationship was structured as a V. Melissa at the top right, me at the top left, him at the bottom point giving to both of us. He shared personal journal entries that he’d written on the platform Penzu. He was adamant that she would accept my presence, in time. He requested that time, and in all things, I complied. He always portrayed that he was slowly conditioning her, Melissa, to understand that I was his slave, that I was a part of his life that he would not relinquish. While I would eventually have concerns about his implementation of that plan, I never questioned it.

Why? Because he always delivered on the things he promised. I had no reason to doubt his word, he hadn’t exited from me, or left me ass out, or given me a reason to doubt him. We faced a lot of challenges in 2020 and 2021 and at each one he was there for me, emotionally, financially.

In May of 2021 after we were both vaccinated, he made a trip East. I spent almost everyday with him during that trip when we was not with his daughters and grandchildren. I saw a different side of him in that trip. A dark and ugly and depressed side, but I accepted it as a part of life. No one is perfect, and no relationship is without it’s challenges. I loved him, I served him, I belonged to him. I saw it as part of my job to be there and expose myself to this side of him. I was his.

In June of 2021 our focus shifted to preparing for my move West. The challenge for me was financing it. Again, if you are a Constant Reader, you know the challenges of the last few years. I rebuilt from nothing. Absolutely nothing.

In the summer of 2021 I was only just getting stable. I was only just getting to the point where I was no longer living from paycheck to paycheck. I had no idea how I would finance a move. In my financial situation, it would take years to accumulate the money. I didn’t think our relationship would survive years.

In that summer I also provided him with a sexual outlet. I’d met someone who was semi-local to him, that he would be attracted to, and I helped facilitate their connection. While our connection would grow and evolve with this person, it began as me introducing him to a surrogate until I could arrive.

I created a plan, I triggered that plan in July of 2021. The plan would finance my move. If I could pull it off and get there, be his own words he would support me until I found work.

I did pull it off. By November 2021 I had enough money to move. I began to look both for employment and housing in California. He was instrumental to that process. He vetoed employment he decided was beneath me. He would investigate housing possibilities and vetoed the ones he deemed were not worthy of me.

He did walk throughs of apartments, he met with landlords. He agreed without hesitation to join my lease, where ever I landed.

I first set my housing budget at 1500/month. The deviation from that budget was his idea. He said he would cover any shortfalls, just bring yo ass was his common response to my questions. We reset the budget to 2000/ month and I eventually picked my current home.

On January 8 we both signed the lease electronically. On January 10, I sent him the deposit $ and he obtained money orders and presented them to the leasing office. He obtained the keys. I hit the road January 10, I arrived at my current address January 15. He was here to meet me, with champagne and flowers. He was also here to take me to the hotel I had to live at for 4 days while they fixed the monumental issues with my apartment.

I’d finally done it, crossed the distance. Now we would live out loud so to speak. He still needed more time with Melissa he said, and I did not question that. We continued our relationship. He would visit me 3-4 times per week. Sometimes we’d have amazing sex, other times we’d talk naked. The woman who was my surrogate became our third person. We’d spend time together, the 3 of us, here in the space I was creating for us.

He contributed to purchasing furniture. He brought food. He went step by step with me in the background investigation for employment he felt was worthy of me. He’d drive me around this town and the next showing me the places to go. We were planning a trip to Napa. He seemed happy here, and said when he had to leave it was only due to obligation not desire. He was happy here. I was happy as well. I was finally living my life here, with him. When I got a temporary job, he would visit me at work, pick me up from work and bring me back home. He identified to those we met as my partner.

As my finances were unstable he did what he said he would do, he covered shortfalls.

We hit a hiccup in February. His relay was that Melissa saw our lease for my current address and in response to seeing his legal commitment to me, it triggered a health event he described as a suicide attempt. When I learned the details months later, as he explained them, of the event I doubted the sincerity. In his words though, he did not and that is what mattered. He relayed that he took her to the emergency room, he relayed that the medical professionals chose to hold her on a 5150 hold. The recounting of this incident is required to give context regarding the case against her. In the immediate time after that incident, our in person time was limited, but it did continue.

The weekend of April 30, our trio, me and Karl and the surrogate, our new partner spent the weekend together. It was the happiest I’ve seen him, ever. Our photos of that weekend show the joy of us together.

On May 7, Karl decided that he wanted to end our relationship. I was blindsided.

While in the week between April 30 and May 7 I noticed a difference in his interactions with me, I still had no reason to think May 7 would occur.

In the days after May 7, I had to face some difficult decisions. I wasn’t working, I’d exhausted my savings to get here. I was suddenly alone, single, and without income. Karl asked to be removed from the lease here. I told him I would help him get off the lease in exchange for 2 months rent.

I was not under any obligation to allow him off the lease, but I wanted to live up to MY word to him, that if he ever wanted out I would not resist.

For him to be released off the lease it required me to prove I could support the rent alone.

That meant I needed to provide paystubs to the leasing office, items I would not be able to provide until I began my new position May 31.

I asked for 2 months rent, not as extortion as he calls it but as consideration for the financial hardship I would face. It happens all of the time when someone wants to move out. He did not want to pay me.

He said he would pay the amount of $3,920 to the leasing office. 2 months rent. If I allowed that it would mean that I also would have to move. I did not have the money to place a deposit on a new unit, plus the expenses of packing and moving. Allowing him off the lease in that circumstance would leave me homeless. I refused to cooperate with that course of action.

I maintained my position that for 2 months rent I would agree to meet with him to get him off the lease. We argued for May and June about this proposition. The man who said he would support me, who signed the lease to prove that, suddenly decided that he no longer had a financial obligation to me, or the residence we entered into together.

I resisted.

Because I wanted to be away from him, and the stress of the negotiations, I eventually agreed that I would settle for one month. He agreed. We would meet at the leasing office on July 8 to legally separate him from this residence. My position was and never wavered that my presentation of pay stubs to the leasing office was contingent on his payment of our agreement. What happened was in the interim I had to shoulder July’s rent alone. That was a situation which placed me in a perilous financial situation. While I do make enough to pay this rent, I needed the cushion our agreement provided to be able to get back and forth to work, to be able to continue to pay rent.

I asked him to pay me up front, he refused. I made it clear that without the payment I would not produce the documents. I no longer trusted him to do the right thing, as his definition of the right this was to leave me exposed and vulnerable and in danger of being homeless again.

I could hold him legally liable for the entire lease. I was being generous and gracious to forfeit that. It was not enough for Karl. I was trying to give him what he wanted while also protecting myself.

That was not enough for Karl or Melissa.

On June 17 my phone rang, it was from Karl’s number but the caller was Melissa. Her call was to try to bully me into letting Karl off the lease without paying a separation fee. She threatened to come to my home and injure me. Every time after that day if I spoke or texted Karl he indicated that Melissa wanted to hurt me. While I might question his honesty now, the fact she’d been, at least to my knowledge, involuntarily committed, I have a reasonable fear she will attempt to make that threat a reality. Can I defend myself? Maybe, but the fact that I have to consider defending myself is a problem. This is not Philly or even Baltimore where I can have people show up with a phone call. This is Vallejo, CA where the only other person I might call for help, is the person who hurt me.

On July 8, we met at the leasing office. We didn’t speak until the manager gave me the separation forms to sign. I’d done my part. I’d delivered paystubs to the leasing office and I proved I could support this apartment. I waited for him to do the same, pay me what was agreed. 1 month’s rent plus reimbursement of July’s rent. I asked him to send the money. He refused.

We went back and forth in the office, until it was clear to me he planned to screw me and I got up to tell the manager the deal was off and I no longer would cooperate with his removal from the lease. His response was to push me, rip the clipboard from my hands and sign the paperwork. I could do nothing to stop him short of trying to physically intervene. That would have been a mistake. Karl has over 30 years of martial arts training. In that vein, I’d never witnessed him lose control the way he did in the office and that created fear within me. In the weeks before, his behavior was something that I’d never seen and could not predict. This was a continuation of that, escalated to a physical level.

I left the office, dejected and afraid. He followed and said that he would pay when I signed all the paperwork. He then produced a document he created. It was never discussed between us, and I never consented to any additional paperwork in exchange for letting him off the lease.

He said he would not pay unless I signed this form. I’d been physically intimidated and assaulted moments before. I didn’t have money to get through the week and travel to work. If I could not work then I would be in a position that I would not be able to make rent. We argued back and forth, mostly about his behavior. His need to exert his dominance over me in this moment, knowing how vulnerable and exposed I was. Understanding that standing in defiance of him was the opposite of everything I’d lived for over 2 years, understanding that I knew he could physically hurt me in a moment, understanding that I was desperate to be able to support myself by going to work.

I signed, but it was not a signature of agreement it was a signature of coercion.

He then after my signature, spent another 10 minutes degrading me and sadistically toying with the amount of money he would give me, if any. He said he never loved me, even though I still have all the words he wrote and the deeds he did which might indicate otherwise.

I was sobbing and in tears by the end when he forced me to accept only 1 month rent and not the month and a half he’d agreed.

I filed a police report. The officer took photos of my injury and spoke to the witnesses of his assault at the leasing office. The case was sent to the Solano County District Attorney. I filed for a restraining order against both Karl and Melissa. For Karl, it was the result of his physical endangerment. For Melissa? It is understanding her history when it comes to me. Since our first meetings, he expressed that she was uncomfortable with my presence in his life. Over our relationship he shared information which portrayed a pattern of behavior which escaladed over time. It was the assumption he was truthful about her health incident, combined with her threats of physical violence.

Hearings were held on Aug 2nd and 3rd. At his because he would not agree to the restraining order we go to ‘trial’. For hers, the hearing was postponed for 90 days to see if she and I could arrive at a mutual agreement. I don’t know if we can, but I will attempt it. The only issue I have with Melissa is that she threatened me with physical violence. I don’t hate her or want to replace her. I am happy to let things go if she is willing to keep her words and hands to herself.

His is more complicated. I know him better than any judge we will sit in front of, and that knowledge gives me chills.

I am here, without friends or shield alone to defend myself against a man who could snap my neck with little physical effort, and who can outspend me legally,

The only thing keeping me safe right now is my own diligence and the restraining order. Even though Vallejo PD is understaffed, he understands that any violation could land him in jail so he stays away. I feel the only thing keeping me safe is that paper, and that is frightening.

Because my future safety is at risk is why I write this. So that should anything happen to me, you know where to start the investigation. I don’t want anything to happen to me, and will do all I can to prevent it. I also know that despite my caution and preparations I am still at risk.

Karl Morris and Melissa Jacobson are two people I fear,

*******EDITOR’S NOTE MARCH 13 2023********************

On January 20, 2023, after being sworn in under oath, Karl and I testified to our agreement to forgo the trial to determine if a ‘permanent’ [five year] restraining order would be issued. We both agreed to voluntary no contact orders. I agreed to withdraw my request for reimbursement of rent for the month of July 2022. Karl agreed to not sue me. As of this writing, I’ve kept my word as given under oath. Karl has elected to have an online law firm send me a demand letter, threatening to sue me and requesting $10,000.00. As of this Editor’s Note I have not been presented with a notice to appear in any court regarding the contents of his demand letter. The trial to determine if the permanent restraining order against Melissa will be issued has not yet occurred. On three separate occasions I’ve offered to let go of the case involving Melissa. My conditions to that offer were that we BOTH agree in open court to voluntary no contact orders and that Melissa withdraw her request that I pay her legal fees. Despite her lawyers assertion that Melissa does not want to have contact with me in any way, ever again, my offer of settlement were all declined.

*********EDITOR’S NOTE MAY 3, 2023*******************

Good for the goose good for the gander right? The trial vs Melissa was held yesterday. The judge declined to give me an ongoing order of protection. The case is not yet finished however, we have a return date in July to argue finance.

*********EDITOR’S NOTE JULY 10 2023************

The hearing regarding the award of legal fees regarding the case for Melissa was this morning.

On May 4 on the website FetLife Karl posted a vile and also libelous document. It was titled Fuck You Pay Me. It is about a 6 – 8 minute, profanity laced tirade about how I lost my case against Melissa. They requested of the court that I be responsible for $4900 in attorney fees. It took about 90 seconds for the judge to decline that request.

NOW the cases are over.