It’s early [for me], on a Saturday morning and I am at the keyboard. It’s been a long-ish work week, with the impending start of the month looming over me. Well first it was the end of the month which is quite hectic at the employer. Now that I have my own responsibilities vs just pitching in from time to time, well, I better understand the last minute push. This particular employment journey was not selected out of desire, it was out of desperate need. This company was the only one willing to meet my numbers at the time, and I did what I often do, showed up, slayed the interview and walked out with the position.

They knew and I knew before I left the building that day they would ‘hire’ me.

I was sent by a temp agency, because when all else fails, my skills are always in need and sometimes you just need a broker to make the introduction.

The temp journey is just about to end, meaning I can choose to remain there and build, or keep pushing. Or as I type this option 3…both.

Turns out? I am actually good at this job. I am not fully surprised, I know who I am and how I can show up and show off when I commit. There is an ego about me, that I cannot just show up and do the minimum, I have to be a star. I am, in this small pond.

I arrived without this particular experience on my resume, yet all that I’ve done before makes me beyond capable. I brought 30+ years of me in the workplace to day one and haven’t stopped since. In reality? The work is not especially challenging, at times it is brutally mundane. I still have some PTSD from MedRisk, but overall? This position works…mostly.

Do I need to make more money? Yes, but it is not so much that the position itself when I am a real girl hire won’t cover me, it’s more that the abrupt departure and inability to plan for it made this harder than it needs to be. I remind myself that it is only temporary and push on, because the reality is, that not pushing is not an option.

I spoke to one of my day one’s yesterday. She hit me up because Lord Voldemort had finally reached out to her. I knew it was coming, she did not think it would but I understood it would happen. All that remains is his final plea to our mutual day one, and I know this nightmare will finally have an end date. In that conversation I opened up his ‘response’ to my restraining order and was reminded of just how low, and slimey he’s been these months and doubled down on my determination. While I am very likely to leave the criminal prosecution alone, the civil remains. It’s more important than ever as I fight my way through this, that I preserve my space, my peace, my progress.

Iron Man is a curious child. He’s still doing that which I need him to do, but he’s also talking. Why do men talk? Like, seriously. We were doing well, and then, he spoke. He’s still going to be around because 5 condoms a day is ….FIVE MOTHERFUCKING CONDOMS A DAY.

Shit, even mediocre rolled back through. He was contrite and appeared to be ready to put in a different performance. He certainly stepped some game up, so I am willing to put him back into rotation, at the bottom, he’s going to need to put in work. On deck when I get my day started today? Goldie. He might earn a different name but for the moment he is Goldie. I will keep you posted if he earns a slot.

As I navigate this city, and I understand that yes I still want a relationship, I am not upset that my single girl is out and about. I need this moment to remind myself I really am that bitch and I need to get laid. Having options again is a good thing. Letting go of the OPP is a good thing. While it was important to Lord Voldemort that I remain only for him, this moment in time is good for both my libido and ego. When I think about 5 condoms a day, yeah, it is yet another reminder that the rules weren’t made to keep me happy, they were made to salvage his ego and manhood. He would never understand how I could orgasm relentlessly on Iron Man’s penis and still want to come home and back to him.

I still have a rough 3 days ahead, but this is only temporary after all.