When I typed that I thought of Ric Flair and Dusty Rhoades. It’s still that time though,

The last post was not all the legible, and for that I owe you an apology Constant Reader. It was the tipsy vomiting of a woman who is frustrated. I am still frustrated but I am focusing.

Today as I wrap up prep, I am very aware of what is at stake.

I am also hyper aware of how angry it makes me. I am going to use and channel that anger, but I don’t want to be angry.

One year ago today, I had a morning with Lord Voldemort and then he took me to the DMV to apply for my CA Driver’s License. It was about a year ago today as well that Kalifornia Karen saw my old lease. Yes it’s an old lease because the new one is completed.

A year ago the die was cast and the chain of events which led to last May began.

I don’t want to be angry, even though I have every right to be angry.

That anger is in conflict to that which I have accomplished and it generates additional anger that I can’t just close the door because her wide back stands there.

I have to prep for my show tomorrow and instead of looking to the future I have to pour through the pages of the past, I have to put myself back in that place instead of living in the moment.

This time last year I could not have imagined what Monday will look like. Why on earth would I? I’d done the impossible, I’d move to the state and was living in my dream.

In 2007 I had a plan, and that plan crashed and burned in the aftermath of Bonnie’s stroke and Kahlil’s deception. I spent the next 7 years in the circle and cycle of care until the evil heart of Andrea took that away from me. I fought myself back to a place of stability then pushed even further/

In 2021 I endured that which should not have to be endured to prove my love and devotion and commitment to my word.

Now in 2022 I have to convince a system not designed by me or for me that their ‘prize’ is a threat to me. Make no mistake she is, yet perhaps not in the way one might imagine.

I’ve tried to let it go, and with him I did. As hard as it was I did it.

I let go of my pain, my anger, my fear. I bet it all on the word of a man who abandoned me when I was at my most vulnerable, when he was the one who was supposed to always protect me. I didn’t let that break me and here I stand.

Now despite multiple offers, I have to fight his white woman, for what? Because she will not let go of her obsession with me.

If he could let go, it should be even simpler for her to let go right? After all, she ‘wants nothing to do with me’. Every reasonable attempt I’ve put out there is met with her petulance and entitlement and once more I have to do the impossible.

What I have to prove on Monday is no small task. I have to expose myself and travel from 2008 until now. I have to be vulnerable enough to admit while I do not fear her physically, the chaos she can impose on my life I do fear.

I’ve spent the time since my first connection with Lord Voldemort ignoring her existence. I’d go from ignoring her to disliking her to having animosity for her after the nigger toss.

Through it all, what I always kept in mind was his love for her. I had to always keep that in mind, and in this moment still I keep it in mind. I can’t lose sight of that as I pose the questions Monday. He is choosing to protect her the way he said he would protect me and that cannot be underestimated.

I will not.

Her insistence that I have to pay to exorcise myself from this mess, that is entitlement beyond what I know of.

Her acceptance of my offer would achieve the same results sans me having to pay her lawyer. Why she insists that when he’s already shouldered that expense? It’s debatable if it is him suggesting it or her demanding it.

Regardless I have to defend myself against it. Defend I will.

Yes I’ve been here a year but I am still Philly fighting shape.

My only question is about the system. I cannot control that, I can only present the truth and rely on the Universe. I will do that as well.

I’ve crafted my life to not have to be at the mercy of yt women, and Monday it appears I have to venture into that territory.

The challenge is not to be salacious with it and while I think I am up to that task, only time will show if I can.

I’m angry, but I wont’ stay that way.

It should be over Monday.

Today, I prepare.