I used to say that I wasn’t any good at math, that data analytics was not a strength for me. While that may have been true once upon a time, I can recite the data from Vizionz without hesitation right now. Of course, in a day something will have happened to move that out of my memory but in this moment..I got it.

The human condition doesn’t disappoint, and niggas gonna nigga.

It’s a little amazing to me, the girl who is impressed with almost nothing, the level up of behavior as the days tick by. I mean, this is some sort of record I am sure.

Let me go.

Those words were once said to me, even though I wasn’t holding onto him. I suppose that it is, perhaps, on a level, understandable that one might think I was planning to wreck shit. I mean, if I am being transparent? I earned the right to wreck shit. I haven’t though, and despite the audacity and the caucasity, I do not plan to wreck shit.

Sure I can smile from time to time imagining the horror, the scramble, the aftermath of what I could do. I mean, I’ve always been a dreamer. I don’t put any of it into action though, because it is not worth it to expend the energy.

Hate is not the opposite of love, indifference is. That indifference doesn’t feed the ego though, so I understand why it’s overlooked. I also contributed to that, being who I am. You cannot believe in my commitment to the agreement, that I never waivered and also believe that I am over it have moved beyond. It’s almost like yt guilt and behavior. Instead of looking at things like they actually are, and accepting the evidence in front of you, what happens is you center yourself and think well if it were me……

It’s not you though, and no matter how many times you proclaim to the echo chamber, your performance – energy – enthusiasm were matched. Shit they were exceeded at times. Yes, the human with the vagina was better than you. In my Demi Lovato voice: ‘bet right now that stings’.

How could it not? I showed up and the illusion was shattered. Sure you can put up another shell, another mask. You can crank the handle and the ride will begin all over again. You can’t however ignore that once I brought out the best of you, and now you wallow in the worst. Grown folx make their own decisions though, and mine is to walk on by.

Can I do it uninterrupted? Apparently not. The slight detours don’t alter my trajectory rather, they delay my arrival. Since the party doesn’t begin until I arrive? It matters not what time I get there. What is also a reality is I will get there. If nothing else was learned, the least should be that when I set my mind on a goal I achieve it. I got here did I not? I am still here, despite the attempts to prevent it.

The numbers in my head at the moment are matched with other data. That I won’t forget, and like everything else I have the receipts to prove it. So let’s dance.

I survive the incident and I am on the other side of it badder than ever. This is fucking light work.