I thought of this post at about 2am, I’d had a dream and I woke to think I have to write, about all that was given and all that was taken.

At about 4am I had another dream, about fat Voldemort. I did not hear his voice as I do when I dream of him. I will consider that progress. It was after the fat Voldemort dream that I realized I could not write what was in my head earlier. To do that would be disrespectful of where I am right now. It would poison that which is upcoming for me.

I was going to write something along the lines of even my security in my ability to seduce being impacted, and along the way in between dreams I realized that was a damn lie. First of all I am still that bitch, second… he may have exposed a character flaw but that is not my cross to carry.

I’m fat. Being fat means that I can’t shop at Forever 21 for pants and that my legs don’t fit in ‘regular’ thigh high boots. Me being fat isn’t the problem.

I have hours of footage in the DropBox. Once upon a time, he was my favorite porn star. The images of him with me and the other women are still a thing. I figured out how to copy them early on, and if he still did anything for me, I’d never have to search for porn again. He doesn’t arouse me at all though, not now. I thought about capturing screen shots and making flyers. I could do a different photo every day for a year and not run out. I even thought of creating a website and making QR codes. It would generate more curiosity and increase traffic. Yeah, when I **WANT** traffic and attention I know how to generate it bitch.

I don’t do it because his former conquests are not a part of this fight. They didn’t do anything to me. One thing they all have in common is like me they are fat. Issa thing for him, and not without irony, also something he doesn’t like about Black women. We are fat, obese, yet his dick doesn’t get hard if you aren’t a certain dress size.

Fat Voldemort tried to speak in my dream but I silenced him. He tried to take something from me and I stopped him. He tried to hurt someone I was connected to and I punished him. Even my subconscious knows how this will end.

When I was done dreaming for the night but before the alarm went off I made a promise to myself:

Every day moving forward I will walk this 3rd Rock with the confidence not just of fat Voldemort but also the audacity of a white man